Doh!

Sometimes we are defined by our obsessions.

A couple of months ago, I wrote a post about the inspiration behind my picture book manuscript, Momma No-Nose. The story is about as dissimilar from Sarah Gives Thanks as you can possibly get.

Here’s the gist of it: After a petting zoo burro goes rogue and gets a bit too nibbly, our narrator’s Momma suddenly finds herself noseless. This turns out to be quite a problem. She can no longer keep her glasses on her face or tell if the milk is sour. Worst of all, the once happy and outgoing Momma no longer wants to leave the house. Just in time for Mother’s Day, however, her artistic son makes Momma an ingenious PlayDoh proboscis that, in one fell swoop, restores her self-esteem and improves the family’s fortunes forever.

Oh, and, in case you need me to tell you, Momma No-Nose is supposed to be funny.

Now, I knew this story had long odds for publication before I finished the first draft. I kinda figured Momma No-Nose was gonna be one of those stories “just for me.” I was cool with that.

But I soooo loved the results of my early writing efforts. So I put in more effort. Then I put in even more effort. Then I presented it at my critique group – twice – and revised the story accordingly.

I admit, I went a little daft. I caught No-Nose Fever.

Sadly, No-Nose Fever is not contagious. Editors aren’t feelin’ the love for this story in a way editors have never not felt the love for a story of mine ever before. I actually got a rejection one hour after I submitted No-Nose – a personal record I have no desire to break, but one that kind of dazzles and impresses me, nonetheless.

But like the coyote’s obsession with his roadrunner, I couldn’t quite put this thing behind me. The more No-Nose was rejected, the more I refused to read the writing on the wall.

“I just haven’t found the right market,” I told myself.

So I kept at it, tweaking the cover letter and looking for ways to punch up the comedy and tighten the word count. Oh, and I kept submitting.

The story’s editorial appeal is as plain as the nose on her face.

My son, Alex, is the only other person with No-Nose Fever; it must be genetic. He would sometimes ask me about Momma No-Nose’s progress – and was almost as amazed as I was that no editor on earth seemed to like it. So the other day I made him a solemn promise: “If Momma No-Nose doesn’t get picked up by the end of this year,” I said, “I will draw all the pictures and make the book just for you.”

“Mine will be the only one?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said.

“The ONLY one?”

“The only one.”

“Wow. The only one.” He let that roll around his brain for a while. Then he smiled.

I smiled, too. Suddenly the idea that Alex would have the only copy of Momma No-Nose felt like a wonderful, wonderful thing. I decided right then and there to stop pitching this story. I didn’t want to do anything to mess up my promise.

Besides, in that little moment with my son, I had achieved my goal; I had found a market for Momma No-Nose. It wasn’t a large market, but it was big enough for me.

Street Scenes

The place could use a coat of paint. Otherwise, it’s perfect.

There was a certain magic to Sesame Street in the 1970s that doesn’t quite exist anymore. I came to this realization after borrowing Sesame Street Old School DVDs from the library and revisiting the street I remembered from my childhood. It was a very different place, to say the least.

For one thing, there were hardly any Muppets on the street itself. Yes, Bert and Ernie lived in the basement apartment at 123 – but they were rarely seen outside of it. Herry Monster would show up and occasionally wreak havoc. But really, the only regulars on the street were Big Bird, Oscar the Grouch and, later, Snuffleupagus.

This is a far cry from the Sesame Street of today which frequently plays host to large roving gangs of Muppets, often led by Elmo and his loyal posse: Zoe, Abby, Baby Bear, Rosita, and Telly. Big Bird, Oscar, and Snuffy are there too, of course, and other Muppets can be found hanging out apartment windows.

Basically Muppets have taken over the neighborhood. It is a rare episode to see more than one or two actual human beings take on a significant role in any of the “street stories.”

It’s like a fuzzy, adorable West Side Story

This is a far cry from the street of the 1970s. Adults were everywhere then. They laughed and joked with each other. They did things as a group. It wasn’t unusual to see Maria, Luis, Bob, Gordon, Susan, and David – all young, fun loving, and outgoing – hanging out on the stoop chewing the fat. The friendships between them felt genuine – kind of like what you might see in a real neighborhood. Even the fact that Mr. Hooper was rarely a part of these coffee cloches felt right; he was of a different generation and had a store to run.

The physical characteristics of the street itself also changed over time. Today’s street reflects the slow but steady gentrification of the neighborhood. Sesame Street is now as sunny, bright, and colorful as the many, many Muppets who reside there. It is a beautiful place to be sure, but, like the Muppets, the street doesn’t feel quite genuine. The buildings are too crisp and pristine. It feels a bit too fantastic to be a part of this world.

The street of the 1970s looked lived on. The colors were muted to the point of dingy; the color palette leaned heavily toward, grays, olives, and browns. Fixtures were worn, maybe a little bent or rusty. The buildings were speckled with those mysterious black stains that always seem to find their way on to most every structure that’s more than a few years old. It was a clean street by 1970s standards, but 1970s standards weren’t all that clean. New York was an armpit back then and Sesame sort of fit into that environment.

And this is what made the Sesame Street of my childhood so magical: The place looked ordinary enough to be real.

In fact, almost every kid in my kindergarten class thought they knew where Sesame Street was; any visit to New York offered up dozens of potential sightings.

I, too, was one of the true believers. When I was young, my parents took me to the Bronx Zoo. As soon as we crossed the George Washington Bridge, I had my eyes out the window. I checked the street signs, looked for that familiar stoop, and got giddy enough to do a car dance whenever I found a location that came sort of close. I never did spot that friendly, seven-foot-tall canary, but the delightful possibility that I might was always just around the next corner.

The Writing Road

As Yogi Berra once said: “If you come to a fork in the road, wash it before you put it in your mouth.” Good advice if you ask me.

I can’t just sit down and write off the cuff. I need a plan. I need to know who the characters are, where I want to take them, and where they’re going to end up. Only after all that stuff is nailed down am I ready to write.

Almost all of that preliminary work takes place when I’m doing something else – showering, eating, or working at my day job. Much to my wife’s chagrin, it also happens late at night in bed. I scribble notes. I make doodles. I outline. Sometimes it takes a long time to do all this preparation, but luck favors the prepared, so I do it.

When I finally sit down to type, I have a tall-ish stack of notes and doodles and outlines by my side.

But then I type – and  the plan I spent oh so much time crafting is pushed aside and ignored. My carefully constructed characters are no longer the characters I had once envisioned; they say things I never considered, they do things I had never imagined, they shove the story in directions I never contemplated, and I am transfixed and fascinated by it all.

It is at that moment I know that I am on a creative roll. I’m in explore mode. It’s a kind of heaven.

Since I am so eager to abandon my writing plan once I begin writing, one might assume that I don’t need a plan at all. But I do. I’ve tried working without one, and the results have been uniformly terrible.

I’m not exactly sure why this is, but if I was to guess, I think it is because I need something rigid to rebel against. I need something to thumb my nose at and say, “Pfft. I can do better than that.”

The only other time I have ever abandoned my plans with such reckless delight took place years ago when I embarked on a solo cross-country trip. I had my route, and my maps, and knew where I wanted to settle down each night. Once I got in the car and started driving, however, I was all “Oh. My. God. The world’s biggest rocking chair is just 100 miles north of here!” And, in a twinkling, I was off down a potholed two-lane blacktop passing an alarming number of stores that sold both fireworks and alcohol.

I discovered this big guy on one such unscheduled detour. His name is Big Amos and, if you push a button by his knee, he will beg you to try the shoofly pie.

Sure it might be a colossal waste of time to drive hours out of the way to someplace that might as well be called Lickspittle County just to see a ginormous chair, but none of that mattered to me. I was in explore mode. I found joy in the journey.