Harold’s Hat

Our hero.
Our hero.

The charming Susanna Leonard Hill is holding a blog contest, and I’m giving it a go.

The rules, in Susanna’s own words: “Write a children’s story, in poetry or prose, maximum 400 words about the Fourth of July in which a secret is revealed or a mystery is solved!”

Fourth of July? Mystery? My first idea was The Mystery of the Missing Fingers.

But better judgment prevailed.

Enjoy!

UPDATE: I am delighted to report that Harold’s Hat was the winner of the 2014 Highlights for Children Fiction Contest!

Please be aware, however, that the winning story is quite different from the one posted below.  If you want to read the winning story, you’re gonna have to get a copy of Highlights. (You should do this, by the way. That mag is awesome.)

AN UPDATE TO THE UPDATE: It’s official: Harold’s Hat will appear in the July 2015 issue of Highlights for Children. Feel free to camp out next to your newsstand now!

***

HAROLD’S HAT

By Mike Allegra

The day was here! Finally!

Parades!

Hot dogs!

Swimming!

Fireworks!

Oh, and there was also The Hat.

Harold could hardly think of The Hat without saying, “Mwah-ha-ha!”

He’ll show that Betsy Lominzer, that’s for sure.

Last year Betsy wore a special Fourth of July hat to the town parade – a nice one that had flashing lights and a cup holder for her lemonade.

Harold asked if he could try it on and she said no. Not even for one teeny, tiny little milisecond.

“Fine,” thought Harold. “I’ll show you next year.”

And, well…Mwah-ha-ha!

The Hat took Harold six months to build. He kept it out of harm’s way in his closet.

At least he thought he did.

It must be out of harm’s way in his toy box.

Hm.

Out of harm’s way in his dresser?

Um…

Under the bed? Behind the hamper? In the closet again, just to make sure?

“MOOOOOOOM!”

“Whaaaat?” Mom was trying to light the barbecue.

“Have you seen My Hat? The one with the red, white and blue glitter, and the flashing lights, and the siren, and the cup holder?”

“No,” she replied. “Where on earth did you get…? ”

“DAAAAAAAD!”

“Too loud!” Dad was pouring chlorine in the pool.

“Have you seen My Hat? The one with the battery powered waving flag action and the cannons that shoot sparks?”

“You have a hat that shoots sparks?” Dad asked. “That could be a fire haz­–”

“BIIIIIIILLY!”

“Ba!” Billy was sucking on his foot.

“Have you seen My Hat? The one with the megaphone and the solar powered jukebox that plays a medley of Sinatra songs when you push a red button on the brim?”

“Do-be-do-be-do,” Billy said.

Wait. That wasn’t Billy.

Harold followed the do-bes to Sparky’s doghouse and found him swooning to Sinatra’s crooning.

The hat was safe and sound.

“Good boy.”

Off to the parade! Off to find Betsy Lominzer! Mwah-ha-ha!

But…well…Betsy’s hat had improved a bit since last year.

It had improved quite a lot, actually.

“Wow! Can I try on your hat for just one teeny, tiny, little millisecond?” Harold asked.

“No,” Betsy Lominzer replied.

“Fine!” thought Harold. “I’ll show you next year.”

In an instant, Harold’s mind filled with new and exciting ideas. A bigger hat. A better hat. The Best Hat Ever.

His lips curled into a smile.

“Mwah-ha-ha!” he said.

Query Response #3: Mickey and More

The shelf above my desk. Good stuff.
The shelf above my desk. As you can see, it has a couple of Mickeys.

In a recent post I asked, “What do you want me to post about?

You responded — and your wish is my command. It might take me a while, but I will get to each and every one of your requests (even Sarah W’s).

***

This query comes from writer and waffle fan Laurel Leigh who writes: “I’d like to know if you play that banjo in the corner, whether you’ve ever tipped over backwards in your desk chair, if your office is truly always that tidy, and how come you have a Cat in the Hat but not Mickey Mouse?”

Jiminy! OK, let’s take your questions one at a time:

1. I do like to play my banjo, but I rarely play it in a corner. I prefer the center of the room.

2. I have not tipped over backwards in my desk chair. I have, however, repeatedly fallen up stairs. This degree of clumsiness never fails to astound my wife.

3. My office is always tidy. Would you like to know the secret to a truly tidy office space? OCD. You’re welcome.

4. You have jumped to conclusions, Laurel; believe me, my office is duly Mickified.

I even think of Mickey whenever I have to make a call.
I even think of Mickey whenever I have to make a call. Thanks, Aunt Elaine!

So, there you have it!

Sadly, I am going to have to temporarily postpone Query Responses for the next week or two. I have a Susanna Leonard Hill contest entry to post next week, which will be followed by the July installment of Waffles With Writers.

Don’t forget to check back soon for more fun!

Query Response #2: Telephone!

A work of art. Also, annoying.
A work of art. Also, annoying.

In a recent post I asked, “What do you want me to post about?

You responded — and your wish is my command. It might take me a while, but I will get to each and every one of your requests (even Sarah W’s).

***

Today I’ll reply to Eagle-Eyed-Editor, who wanted to know a bit more about the phone in my office:

My office.
See it?

That, my friend, is a gen-u-wine 1920 candlestick that I bought from Ring My Bell!, a telephone restoration company in Southern California. Don’t bother looking them up; they’re out of business. Apparently, no one wants 90-year-old technology anymore.

My candlestick works beautifully and I adore its retro charm.

But retro charm doesn’t amount to a bucket of warm spit when a computerized voice on the other end of a call asks you to “press” a number. Nothin’ to press here, I’m afraid.

Also it is impossible to cradle the oddly-shaped two-pound handset on your shoulder, so good luck taking a message.

In order to be heard, you have to speak into the 11-pound base. So if you want to move anywhere you have to carry it with you.  Fortunately, the phone cord is really, really short so you can’t go anywhere anyway.

To put it another way, my 1920 candlestick can be a big pain in the rumpus room.

So I have another phone in my office that I use for interviews and other business calls. This phone does not have retro charm, however, so when it is not in use, I hide it away in my desk drawer.

So there you have it! Be sure to check in again. Query Response #3 is coming soon!