Five Irrelevant Questions for David Gardner

David Gardner, or as I like to call him, Mr. Awesome.

David Gardner, or as I like to call him, Mr. Awesome.

Thanksgiving is upon us, so I thought it would be fun to interview the wonderful illustrator of Sarah Gives Thanks, David Gardner!

This plan’s only snag is that I had already interviewed him last year.

So instead of asking David about the book or his profession, I thought I’d come up with questions that had nothing to do with anything. Enjoy!

***

You have 30 minutes to prepare for the coming zombie apocalypse. How would you use this time?

I’d start by saying the Serenity Prayer repeatedly. Once I accepted the idea that this was one of those “things I cannot change,” I’d look around and see what I was leaving undone. (Unlike Brad Pitt, I’m not prone to feel I have much power to overcome a bunch of zombies.)

I’d realize that 30 minutes isn’t long enough to finish revising my Great American Novel, so I’d call my sisters and my friends and tell them I love them. I’d hug my partner and our dogs close and tell them I love them, too. Then I’d insist we watch the Chuckles the Clown’s funeral episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show for the last time. It’s best to go out laughing.

zombies

You are given the chance to yell at any historical figure. Who would you choose and what would you say?

Millard Fillmore. I’d shout, “What are you, crazy?! Would it kill you to listen to that nice Mrs. Hale and declare Thanksgiving a national holiday? What have you got to lose? Nobody’s gonna remember your presidency, anyway.”

My gal.

Which extinct animal would you keep as a pet?

Saber-toothed tiger. That should protect me against the coming zombie apocalypse.

But – could I get somebody else to clean the litter box? Is Wilma Flintstone included in this deal?

If you could have a small speaking part (one to three lines) in any motion picture, which movie and role would you select?

The Butler. I’d be great playing Oprah’s white love child. I’d even let her slap me.

God grants you a one-question interview. Which mystery of the universe would you solve?

I’d want to know: Is life really a big classroom? Are we here to learn and evolve into more loving men and women, or are we here to just enjoy life?

I’m guessing this would happen after the zombie thing, so hopefully I won’t regret the half-hour I spent watching Chuckles the Clown.

***

Now it’s your turn! Leave me an answer to any one of these questions in the comment section! I do so love your comments.

And happy Thanksgiving everyone!

36 thoughts on “Five Irrelevant Questions for David Gardner

  1. The question I’d like to answer is the movie one. If I was 30 years younger, I’d love to be in any of the Lord of the Rings or Hobbit movies as an elf, if I could get close to Legolas! If I was to be in a movie tomorrow, I think I’d pick one of the Bond movies with Pierce Brosnan. I’d gladly be one of the bad ladies who gets to kiss him before she dies! lol

    Now, I have a question for you: It’s hard to tell what’s behind those 3D glasses, but what color are your eyes (and also, what are the colors are your wife’s & son’s)? If you don’t have to answer here, you could email me the answer(s). It doesn’t really matter, I just wanted to get certain elements on your Christmas card right. I know, I’m such a tease! 😉

  2. Best. Interview Questions. Ever.

    Is the Mayor’s wife in The Music Man enough of a small part? “BaaaaaalZAC!”

    If not, I’ve always wanted to be Plenty O’Toole in Diamonds are Forever, because I like purple and I’ve always wanted to jump into a swimming pool from a hotel window. Yeah, that’s why . . .

  3. Too much fun! I love the answers and the questions.

    Movie: Speed, and I don’t need to speak. I just want to play footsie on the bus with Keanu Reeves. I’ve seen that film dozens of times and have used it to teach three-act structure concept to my students, which means I get paid to stare at Keanu’s fine physique.

    God: So if the big guy grants me an interview, then he’s real, so that solves one big freakin’ mystery and I’m clearly doomed to hell.

    Thanks for a fun interactive post. Happy Thanksgiving!

      • Bullock frets and whines too much for me. I like my leading ladies a little more self-possessed.

        I do see your problem re: Reservoir. How about Wag the Dog? Talk about a great three-act structure!

      • How can fretting and whining not be hot? You may have disrupted years of thought and practice with that comment. Some of us will have to rethink. This could be huge.

        Although I love Mamet, I haven’t seen Wag the Dog so will check it out. That said, he’s a little prone to fretting and whining don’t you think? He can write some long and fretful lines.

  4. I can tell you used to be a journalist, Mike. These are hard-hitting questions. And I love your Celebrate Zombies stamp. You really NEED to make a sticker book of these stamps.

    I’d yell at Thomas Edison. “Hey! Dumbass! What the hell is the matter with you, cheating Tesla out of his hard-earned money?? Did your mother raise you to be a creepy, dishonest little sleaze???”

    Happy Thanksgiving, buddy!

  5. Best interview ever!
    But, planning for the zombie apocalypse is never irrelevant. Heck, I felt really carnivorous after I got my flu shot the other day.
    Also, I noticed an error in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade this morning. I didn’t hear a single mention of Sarah Hale! How could this be? We have 365 days to get this fixed!

  6. How bizarre is this? I clicked over here to ask you to participate in a new feature on my blog, 5×5 With The Hook, five simple, random questions designed to illicit a positive response from a world in desperate need of a morale boost.
    What are the odds that I’d discover you engaged in a similar activity? Great questions by the way!
    Personally, I’d keep a pterodactyl, although i have no idea why. I simply think they’re cool.
    Before I go, let me know if you have the time to take part in 5×5, Mike. I realize you’re a busy guy, but I’d love to see what your mind would come up with when confronted with my five queries.

  7. First, David, kudos to you. You made it through one of Mike’s tough-ass interviews with aplomb. I loved your answers.
    Second, my movie quiz answer. At the end of Gone with the Wind, Rhett leaves, claiming, ‘Frankly, dear, I don’t give a damn.’ Fade out to Scarlett saying “Tomorrow is another day,” and spotlight on me, the small (though crucial) last two lines in the movie. I’ve been seen in the background of some of the movies scenes: a belle at the dance, at the funerals, and behind the curtains Scarlett shreds off the windows. Mytwo lines, the last of the show:
    “Rhett, I’m here for you today, tomorrow, and forever. Believe me, you will give a damn every minute of every day.” Fade out to the two of us walking toward the southern sunrise.
    Third, oh shoot, I forget what three is, I’m still back there in the sunrise. Here’s to the holidays, guys.

    • Stop rewriting the classics! Sheesh, Pam! 🙂

      I keep going back and forth on the movie question. Right now I think I wanna be the “plastics” guy in The Graduate. I also want to be Steve Martin’s waiter in The Muppet Movie; the Death Star jailor who says, “What are you doing here with that…thing?” In Star Wars; and the guy who says, “But he doesn’t know the territory!” in The Music Man.

  8. Fab-you-lous post, as usual Mike, but I really must pull you up on your title…these questions are not IN THE LEAST irrelevant!!! I’d like to answer two…extinct animal I’d keep as a pet, the Baiji White Dolphin…which means I’d probably have to live in the river near me and become a kind of semi fresh water mermaid or something (they’re extinct too I think, mermaids, but, that would be more like enslavement than keeping a pet, so I didn’t choose one of them)…and the one question interview with God? I’m tempted to just ask..Why? But no, in all seriousness…If we truly acknowledge and accept that we’ve brought harm to this beautiful planet, will you please help us and tell us what we can do to bring her back to health? Hugs, Harula xxxxxx

  9. Pingback: Five Irrelevant Questions for David Gardner | Dogpatch Writers Collective

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