Oh! Hey, big fella!
This is a welcome and unexpected surprise!
What brings you to my neck of the woods? Especially since I don’t have woods. Not even close. I have a postage-stamp-sized yard and live within spitting distance of the traffic-y hell of Route 22. There’s no place to hide here. There’s no room to run or frolic. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy you’re here. Very happy. I just can’t imagine why you’re here.
I can’t even wrap my brain around how you got here. Did you cut through a jillion fenced-in backyards? Did you catch an Uber from the Watchung Reservation?
Maybe my animal-loving reputation precedes me. Did you talk to my squirrels? I don’t mean to boast, but those furry critters have been pretty pleased with me ever since I chased away the feral cats and supplemented their diets with Cheerios and Ritz Crackers. I’m pretty well known around these parts for being pro-rodent—though I prefer the term “prodent” if you don’t mind.
I’m pro-deer too. The other day I saw a sign along Route 22 that said, “Deer Solutions.” It was a company that promised to get rid of deer, which is nuts because I consider deer to be the solution. I mean come on! You’re so cute! My problems are solved just by looking at you!
And, yes, by all means, eat my hostas. I have to cut them back for the winter, anyway. In fact, eat whatever the hell you want. My yard is your all-you-can-eat buffet. Do you like blueberries? I’ve got a bush in the side yard. It’s yours.
I don’t even care if you carry Lyme’s Disease. I’ll wear a tick collar. That’s how much your cuteness maters to me.
In fact…
I just came up with an idea. Can I pitch you my idea?
What if we take this visit to the next level? I have a nice shed out back. I can clean it out and fill it with straw no problem. It’ll be cozy and dry and I’ll bring out some snacky-snacks for you on the regular. No rent, no lease, no problem. You can come and go as you please. I can keep you safe and happy this winter. I know I can.
What?
Oh…
No. No, I get it. You need to keep moving. You’re a Freebird.
No, no, I know you’re not a bird. That’s not what I meant. I was thinking of a song by Lynyrd Skynyrd. I don’t even know why I said that. There was no way you were going to get the reference.
Well, wait a minute. Hold on. Where are you going?
I get that the shed’s not your thing, and that’s cool, but do you need to leave right now? I’ve got lots of hostas that you didn’t even touch.
Would you like some leaves for the road, then?
I’ve got Tupperware. I could just…
I’m making this weird, aren’t I?
Sorry.
So…um…
Maybe I’ll see you around?
You come back whenever you want to, okay?
You are always welcome here.
Always.
Hey, Look! A Writer Fellow! 
A New Jersey deer. Is that an oxymoron? After reading this I almost like deer again. After they mowed down my sunflowers and cosmos I wasn’t as enamored with their cuteness. What would you do with a moose siting?
Oh, you and your anti-Jersey stereotypes! This state has jillions of deer. They’re just not usually in my yard!
Moose, on the other hand… Never seen one of those in person. That’s probably a good thing.
I am duly chastised. The Hubs informed me of NJ’s burgeoning deer quotient.
Thanks for the laughs Mike.
Glad you enjoyed the post, my bloggy friend!
My pleasure!
(Deer begins a 20 minute guitar solo)
Your comment made me snort.
I also started to imagine the deer using his antlers to work the frets.
Tick collar, tick anklets, tick bracelets…we don’t want you getting Lyme Disease Mike!
I’d sew an outfit made entirely of flea and tick collars if I could be buddies with that fella.
haha! I enjoyed that, Mike. I couldn’t help but think that if your deer friend stayed in your shed for winter, part of your Christmas nativity scene would be all set. 🙂
I wonder if he’d agree to wear a red glowing nose…
Thanks for the laughs 🙂 BTW, my local nursery told me deer would not eat hastas. My deer have proved them so wrong that there is not a trace of hasta left on my property!
Your nursery should know that they told you the biggest lie in the history of ever. On the rare occasion a deer shows up on my property, the hostas are the FIRST things they eat. (And i have proof! In the second photo on this post, you can see a nom-nommed hosta at the fuzzy bugger’s feet. )
Wild! Quite literally. But also fun! That would make me happy too! I hope he’s okay and made his way back home and away from civilization.
I hope he’s okay, too.
But I especially hope he’s reconsidered my shed idea.
The shed was a very generous offer. I assume he just needs a little time to think about it. Maybe he has to go home to tell the wife and kids, “I found a place.”
If this were a goat we were talking about, that wife and kids part would’ve been amazing.
I love your love of the deer and wonder if that one will ever wander back to your positive vibes and hostas!