Three Things Every Author Should Know about School Visits

This many! (Fun fact: This photo shoot took A LOT longer than it should have.)

Have you ever been on the move for so long that once you finally stop moving, you don’t know what to do with yourself?

I feel that way now. For the past several weeks I had gotten into the habit of running from one place to another, talking about my book, coming home, and then collapsing in a heap. It was exhausting. It was also exciting and new and it made me feel very, very important. I really did love it. I loved it more than I thought I would.

Now that it’s all over, I’m suffering a little from promo withdrawal.

But my schedule, exciting as it was, didn’t allow me to write at all. So I am very eager to reacquaint myself with my first love. I missed writing much more than I liked feeling important.

During the tour I visited lots of schools. That is par for the course for a picture book – especially a nonfiction one. Now that I’ve had a little time to reflect on those visits, I’d like to share three takeaways:

1. Kids love to take you down rabbit holes.  

During one class visit I told a group of 40 third graders that my fondest childhood Thanksgiving memory was watching Big Ape Movies on the local TV station. Every single year the station aired Mighty Joe Young, King Kong, and Son of Kong. “Six straight hours of simian mayhem!” I announced. “I have no idea what giant gorillas have to do with Thanksgiving, but, hey, who cares? It’s wonderful!”

And by opening that door, I invited in a long string of ape-related questions. Clearly I was the King Kong expert these kids had been waiting for their whole lives. “How big was he?” one asked. (I guessed about 50 feet tall.) “Did that big building get damaged bad?” (No, they just needed to patch up some bullet holes.) Would King Kong win a fight with Godzilla? (If Americans made the movie, I replied, then yes.)

It was a blast. And, because I indulged this line of questioning, the kids loved me. Oh, and my “simian mayhem” line made one teacher to do a spit take; this is perhaps my proudest achievement ever.

2. There’s one teacher in every school who assumes you don’t know what you’re doing.

This teacher is the wet blankie who tries to calm down the children after you have invested so much time and energy revving them up. Not. Cool.

This teacher is either very, very young and well-meaning or one of those old law and order types who is one year away from retirement. (Teachers with tenure and more than a few years of full time work left in them are happy to sit back, drink coffee, and let you do your thing.)

I find it important to address the interrupting teacher directly. Doing so is a bit of a tightrope walk, however, for I have to communicate two messages at the same time. My first message is for the kids: “Your teacher is the boss. Your teacher is even MY boss and it is important to always do what she says.” My second message is for the teacher and is rich with subtext: “Why don’t you follow the fine example of your peers and drink some coffee?”

At one of my recent visits, a young teacher, trying to be helpful, inserted herself into my presentation to “calm things down, a bit.”

In front of the crowd I told the teacher she made an excellent point. Then I thanked her. Then, before the teacher could say anything else, I called on an earnest little girl who  could be counted on to ask a question that was “appropriate.” As the girl asked her question, the teacher and I chatted to each other with our eyes.

“I got this,” my eyes told her.

“You sure?” her eyes asked back, concerned.

“Your coffee is getting cold,” my eyes replied. “And that chair waaaay over there looks hella comfortable.”

3. Controlling a Q&A session is a lot easier than you might think. 

Kids wear their personalities on their sleeves. Even if they say nothing, their body language makes it easy to differentiate the silly from the studious. You don’t need talent to figure out who’s who. You just need eyes. Anyone can do this. Really. Anyone.

By using this information, I became a Q&A conductor of sorts; I called on the sillies when I wanted to dial up the energy in the room and the studiers when I wanted to dial it back.

And because I love and respect teachers and don’t wanna make their jobs any more difficult than they already are, I wrapped up all my Q&A sessions by calling on three studious students in a row. You’re welcome, teachers. Here’s hoping I’ll see you again next year!

I Will Get Better

Soooo sleepy.

Yep. I know. I have been slow in responding to your blog comments. I have been absent from other people’s blogs. I stink.

I do have an excuse, though. This is my silly season. Not a day has gone by where I haven’t appeared somewhere to talk about Sarah Gives Thanks. It has been fun – really fun in most cases – but exhausting, too, and I’ve found myself with little time for much else.

But I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

When Thursday arrives, I will give thanks – and this year I have A LOT to be thankful for (i.e.: my tolerant family, my fast-selling book, my new blog friendships).

Then I will eat myself silly, go sleepy, and awake maybe 14 hours later – fully refreshed.

Then I will burrow into my WordPress Reader, catch up on your blogs, and return to writing about writing. Yes, I’ll miss the book tour, but it will be replaced with something that I find to be every bit as personally rewarding.

Have a joyous Thanksgiving everyone! ‘Till soon!

Bye Bye BCCBA! Acronym Contest Winners Revealed!

It is a joyous occasion! Grab the Lipps, Inc. LP; let’s hear some Funkytown!

Despite Hurricane Sandy and, I assume, Madonna’s henchmen, the Boycott Celebrity Children’s Books Acronym Contest could not be stopped! Hooray for us! Hooray for society!

The view from my driveway. Nice try, nature.

As I mentioned in past posts (this one and this one), I began a crusade to boycott awful picture books by celebrities. I have been delighted by your support. Apparently many of you, too, believe that Madonna And Company have done little more than kill trees and atrophy young minds.

What this cause needed, however, was a catchy acronym because, well, BCCBA sounds like an SAT cheat sheet. I needed your help and you fine folks came through. Below is just a sampling of acronyms designed to turn this little pet project into a national movement:

SCRIBE: Stopping Celebrities Regarding the Inking of Bad Editions

BABBLE: Buying Actors’ Books Begets Less Education

WRITERS: Wielding Righteous Indignation about Talentless Egos—Really, Stop

AUTHORS: Authentic Undermined Talented Hopefuls Over Rapacious Stars

CHUPACABARAS: Conceited
 Hogs
 Using 
Professional
 Avaricious 
Clout
 And
 Brash
 Artistic 
Rights 
Are
 Swine

ACT WISE: Avoid Celebrity Trash Writers; Inspire and Support Excellence

ACT NOWW: Avoid Celebrity Trash Nurture Only Writers Writing

HACKS: Humans Against Celebrity Kid Stories

FAWT: Famous 
And 
Writing 
Terribly

ESCHEW: Embargoing 
Self-promoting 
Celebrities
 Helps
 Excellent
 Writers

CRAP: Celeb Riters Are Poopy

DR“A”FT: Don’t 
Read
 “Art” 
From
 Tools

And this is just some of them. Man, do I love you guys.

But how to choose? For a decision this important, I wanted to bring in four qualified judges:

Steve Patchett is the Director of Communications at Morristown-Beard School, responsible for all of the school’s marketing and public relations. Years ago I held this exact same job. After the school administrators came to their senses and fired me, they hired Steve. This was a wise move. The guy is very, very good at his job. He is also a pal.

Jacqueline Haun is a librarian and archivist at The Lawrenceville School and a supurb writer. I should know; she is a regular contributor to The Lawrentian, the magazine I edit. She was an editorial assistant and arts reviewer for a daily newspaper. She also has an unhealthy obsession with the show True Blood.

Lisa Gillard is the Director of Public Relations at The Lawrenceville School. When the fit hits the shan, she knows how to make all the badness go away. She can also get “rah rah” stories in The New York Times if you ask her nicely.

Ellen is my wife. A former high school English teacher, she now runs a very successful SAT business. She also ruthlessly critiques my stories. She is my sweetie.

None of these judges were allowed to see who authored what. None of them were influenced by me in any way.

The results are in. Here is the moment of truth.

In a split decision, with two out of four votes, the winner is…

HACKS

And – oh, you gotta be kidding me – that means Madame Weebles has won both of the contests I’ve held on this blog. So Weebles is the HACKS co-president and wins a signed copy of my book, Sarah Gives Thanks!

But here’s the thing: Since Weebles already HAS a signed copy of my book, she has decided to give the book away to another acronym author of her choosing. How cool is that?

Her choice? AUTHORS.

So Khaula Mazhar wins the book! You know how to reach me, Khaula; send me your mailing address and I’ll send you a book.

And for those of you keeping score, Lauri Meyer’s FAWT and harulawordsthatserve’s ACT WISE each received a single vote. Because of this, I would like to offer both Lauri and Harula the Executive Vice Presidency of the newly-named HACKS.

If FAWT won, I would’ve used this old stamp as the model for the Association’s logo. Perhaps FAWT’s loss is not such a bad thing.

All of you who entered the contest (especially Vanessa, who inspired this contest and whose CRAP acronym still makes me giggle like a schoolgirl), may now have roles on the HACKS Executive Committee. Please indicate your willingness to be on the committee in the comments below.

And, hey, ANYONE can join the club! Wanna join? Write me a comment and tell me! Only together can we make a difference!

ONWARD!