Despite Hurricane Sandy and, I assume, Madonna’s henchmen, the Boycott Celebrity Children’s Books Acronym Contest could not be stopped! Hooray for us! Hooray for society!
As I mentioned in past posts (this one and this one), I began a crusade to boycott awful picture books by celebrities. I have been delighted by your support. Apparently many of you, too, believe that Madonna And Company have done little more than kill trees and atrophy young minds.
What this cause needed, however, was a catchy acronym because, well, BCCBA sounds like an SAT cheat sheet. I needed your help and you fine folks came through. Below is just a sampling of acronyms designed to turn this little pet project into a national movement:
SCRIBE: Stopping Celebrities Regarding the Inking of Bad Editions
BABBLE: Buying Actors’ Books Begets Less Education
WRITERS: Wielding Righteous Indignation about Talentless Egos—Really, Stop
AUTHORS: Authentic Undermined Talented Hopefuls Over Rapacious Stars
CHUPACABARAS: Conceited Hogs Using Professional Avaricious Clout And Brash Artistic Rights Are Swine
ACT WISE: Avoid Celebrity Trash Writers; Inspire and Support Excellence
ACT NOWW: Avoid Celebrity Trash Nurture Only Writers Writing
HACKS: Humans Against Celebrity Kid Stories
FAWT: Famous And Writing Terribly
ESCHEW: Embargoing Self-promoting Celebrities Helps Excellent Writers
CRAP: Celeb Riters Are Poopy
DR“A”FT: Don’t Read “Art” From Tools
And this is just some of them. Man, do I love you guys.
But how to choose? For a decision this important, I wanted to bring in four qualified judges:
Steve Patchett is the Director of Communications at Morristown-Beard School, responsible for all of the school’s marketing and public relations. Years ago I held this exact same job. After the school administrators came to their senses and fired me, they hired Steve. This was a wise move. The guy is very, very good at his job. He is also a pal.
Jacqueline Haun is a librarian and archivist at The Lawrenceville School and a supurb writer. I should know; she is a regular contributor to The Lawrentian, the magazine I edit. She was an editorial assistant and arts reviewer for a daily newspaper. She also has an unhealthy obsession with the show True Blood.
Lisa Gillard is the Director of Public Relations at The Lawrenceville School. When the fit hits the shan, she knows how to make all the badness go away. She can also get “rah rah” stories in The New York Times if you ask her nicely.
Ellen is my wife. A former high school English teacher, she now runs a very successful SAT business. She also ruthlessly critiques my stories. She is my sweetie.
None of these judges were allowed to see who authored what. None of them were influenced by me in any way.
The results are in. Here is the moment of truth.
In a split decision, with two out of four votes, the winner is…
And – oh, you gotta be kidding me – that means Madame Weebles has won both of the contests I’ve held on this blog. So Weebles is the HACKS co-president and wins a signed copy of my book, Sarah Gives Thanks!
But here’s the thing: Since Weebles already HAS a signed copy of my book, she has decided to give the book away to another acronym author of her choosing. How cool is that?
Her choice? AUTHORS.
So Khaula Mazhar wins the book! You know how to reach me, Khaula; send me your mailing address and I’ll send you a book.
And for those of you keeping score, Lauri Meyer’s FAWT and harulawordsthatserve’s ACT WISE each received a single vote. Because of this, I would like to offer both Lauri and Harula the Executive Vice Presidency of the newly-named HACKS.
All of you who entered the contest (especially Vanessa, who inspired this contest and whose CRAP acronym still makes me giggle like a schoolgirl), may now have roles on the HACKS Executive Committee. Please indicate your willingness to be on the committee in the comments below.
And, hey, ANYONE can join the club! Wanna join? Write me a comment and tell me! Only together can we make a difference!