Hey, Look! A Writer Fellow!

January 20, 2015

A Resolution Solution!

My office. — Will I be able to work in an office without glass walls? It’ll be tough, but I’ll try!

A couple of weeks ago I posted my first ever list of New Year’s resolutions. I am pleased to report that one of those resolutions is resolved!

I will do something bold yet well-planned.

What is the bold thing? I quit my job. Beginning in February, I will earn income solely through freelance and independent writing projects.

How long did I plan this? About three years.

The reason? Because my wife’s and my Mid-Life Crisis Clocks serendipitously synced up.

Up to this point, Ellen had been working out of the house earning an excellent supplementary income as an SAT tutor. As for me, I wrote for and edited The Lawrenceville School’s alumni magazine, earning a good salary and getting medical benefits. For quite a long time this worked out just fine.

But my wife was, slowly but surely, going stir crazy. Once Alex began attending school, Ellen, a former high school English teacher, longed to return to the classroom.

She also hated, hated, HATED doing housework. This is because Ellen is normal.

I like doing housework because I am not normal. (OCD, for all its negative connotations, does create excellent house husbands.) But my day job and it’s long, long commute didn’t give me many opportunities during the workweek to help out much.

Also, my job, for all its frequent awesomeness (I got to interview, Peter Gould, a writer and director for Breaking Bad! Woo!) was beginning to wear me down. I had been there 11 years. I thought my work was getting stale. No one else noticed, but I did.

Furthermore, the job was keeping me from the children’s book writing thing. It was also keeping me from expanding my freelance clientele. And, more crushingly, it was keeping me from spending much time with my boy.

So Ellen and I talked. We made a plan. And we implemented it.

Ellen spent the last couple of years getting certified in middle school math. She is now employed full time at our town’s middle school.

Meanwhile, for the past couple of years, I have been cultivating contacts and clients. I will now work out of my home office.

This change is exciting, to say the least.

It will also now allow me to accomplish two more of my New Year’s resolutions:

I shall write early and often

and

I shall become a Laundry Master.

Here’s to new adventures in 2015!

January 13, 2015

A Bunpology

I’m in the middle of an unusually busy week, I’m afraid. My day job responsibilities and freelance projects are getting in the way of a proper post.

I have also been called for jury duty, which isn’t helping matters much, either.

Long story short, I am a blogging deadbeat. To make it up to you, I have doodled an excellent picture of a very fuzzy bunny.

I know the doodle is excellent because my son gave it a very good grade.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go put it on the fridge.

January 6, 2015January 6, 2015

Resolved: I Will Come Up With Resolutions

I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions. I’m not even one for staying up until midnight on New Year’s Eve (I was singing “Auld Lang Syne” to my pillow at 10:30, thank you very much). But something tells me that 2015 is going to be my year.

My problem is that something tells me this every year – and that something is rarely right. So I figured I’d throw in a little New Year’s resolution self-improvement to karmically sweeten the deal.

Let’s begin:

***

My first resolution is for my beloved wife.

Resolved: I shall neither form opinions nor comment on the opinions of others until I have finished at least one big mug of morning coffee.

It’s for the best.

***

Golf-wise, 2014 was a very good year for me. I don’t play golf, I fill my pockets with lost and/or abandoned golf balls from a nearby course. I now have 376 golf balls filling my office desk drawer. Also filled? My head – with questions like: “What on earth was I thinking?” and “What am I going to do with all of these stupid things?”

This is what 376 golf ball look like. If you want to see what a doofus looks like, check out the photo at the top of this blog. — This is what 376 golf balls look like. If you want to see what a doofus looks like, check out the photo at the top of this blog.

Resolved: I will get rid of my golf ball collection in a manner that is – at the very least – mildly amusing.

Suggestions are welcome.

***

Since I started this blog three years ago I have broken bread with five blog pals and met at least a dozen more. I am delighted to report that every single one of them was funny, charming and interesting. I am still a bit gobsmacked by this. Seriously, what are the odds? Maybe I’m tempting fate, but I want to meet more!

Resolved: I will meet more blog buddies in person.

In other words, if you reside in or visit New Jersey, New York City, or Eastern Pennsylvania, feel free to hit me up for coffee.

***

When I was in college, I earned a reputation as a skilled Laundry Fellow. One time when I was in the Laundromat folding a load of colors, a female classmate I had a nodding relationship with – let’s call her Liz – entered with her meathead boyfriend. She was there to do Mr. Meathead’s laundry for him. (Don’t even get me started.)

I nodded to Liz, as I usually did, and resumed my folding. After a few minutes, I realized that the laundromat was unusually silent. I looked up from my work to find both Liz and her meathead staring at me as if I was some kind of circus animal.

“I bet you iron, too,” Liz said with a contemptuous smile.

“Well, if you fold the clothes when they’re still warm,” I replied, “in many cases you don’t have to iron.”

It was at that moment I could see Mr. Meathead’s brain drawing conclusions about my sexual identity.

Since those days, my laundry muscles have atrophied. I still do loads without having to be asked, but washing my wife’s clothes have made things more complicated and intimidating. (Delicate cycles? Wha?) At times I feel like a babe in the laundry woods.

Resolved: I will become a Laundry Master.

***

Here’s the obligatory writing one:

Resolved: I shall write early and often.

I already sort of do this. But I plan to write earlier and often-er. And with more gusto. I also want to get my word counts up.

Rebekah, one of my blog pals, banged out 14,000 words in one day for NaNoWiMo. Let me say right here and now that I have no plans to challenge this record.

***

And the big finish:

Resolved: I will do something bold, yet well-planned.

I can’t do bold without my boldness being well-planned. And yes, I already have something planned. ‘Cause that’s the way I roll; I plan my planning!

So! What are some of your resolutions?