Love Is In The Air

The lovely and talented Susanna Leonard Hill is having another blog contest! I like to enter those. So I did.

The rules are simple: In 214 words or fewer, entrants must write a Valentine’s Day story where one of the characters is grumpy.

Enjoy!

Cranky Cupid

Corky smiled down on his loyal platoon. “Today’s the day! Today we launch our arrows in a war against loneliness!”

The cupids cheered. Well, most of them:

“Harrumph.”

Corky ignored this. “Today we make the world a happier place!”

“Harrumph!” the heckler repeated. He followed it up with worst swear word he could think of:

“Stinkypooperpot!”

“Gerald!” Corky barked. “Watch your language!”

“Why do we have to wear this?” Gerald grouched.

“You’re not wearing anything.”

“I know! Why do cupids need to be naked? Why must we show the world our creased caboodles? Why do we let everyone peep at our dingle wingle do-dahs?”

“Because it’s the rule,” Corky stammered.

“Why can’t we wear suits?”

“Because we can’t!”

The other cupids peered down at their own naked pudginess.

“Why can’t we?” one asked.

“A suit would be flattering!”

“And flashy!”

“No!” Corky boomed. “The rule is…”

He trailed off, for Corky’s mind flashed to an almost forgotten time many years ago…

“The rule is…” he tried again.

…when a pair of young lovers giggled at his blorpy bottom.

“The rule is…”

The memory turned him red all over.

“The rule is…” Corky announced, “STUPID!”

The cupids cheered.

That year The Suited Cupids spread the love and took the fashion world by storm.

October 26, 2015

Eeek.

Do I like Halloween? Well, let me put it this way: If I wanted to make a spectacle of myself panhandling in costume, I would be on Times Square shaking down tourists.

So, no. I do not like Halloween.

I do like Susanna Leonard Hill, however. (How can one not, really?) I also like Susanna Leonard Hill’s blog contests, and I enter as many as I can.

Yes, even the Halloweensie one.

Here are the rules: Entrants have to write a Halloween-themed story no longer than 100 words. (In Halloween parlance that means the story is “Fun Size.”) This story also must contain the words “costume,” “haunt,” and “dark.”

So, here’s my submission! Enjoy!

***

Night Ninja

“I’m the black ninja! Hiyah!”

“That costume is too black.”

“The better to haunt my victim’s dreams!”

“Well, you’re going to have to haunt their dreams with a little reflector tape. Stand still.”

“Mom! Ninjas can’t reflect! They gotta disappear!”

“I don’t want you to disappear into the fender of a car. Take this flashlight, too.”

“Flashlight?!”

“It’s cold out. Get your coat.”

“But my coat is green! Light green!”

“Then you’ll be an adorable light green ninja. Out you go.”

“Ninjas aren’t adorable!”

“Have a good time, sweetie! And don’t come back without dark chocolate!”

“I hate Halloween.”

July 7, 2015

Here’s The Winning Doodle! (I Have More Doodle News, Too!)

Last week the lovely and talented Alicia Jamtaas was the big winner of the Mike Allegra Win A Doodle Contest. Her prize was a custom made doodle of anything she wanted.

What she wanted was raven shape-shifter.

I had never heard of a raven shape-shifter before. Fortunately, Alicia clarified things:

“A raven shape-shifter is a woman who is able to shape shift into a raven. Like a selkie – woman to seal.”

“Ah!” I replied. (I decided not to mention that I had never heard of a selkie, either.)

Fantasy stuff is not really in my wheelhouse, but I figured I’d come up with something. I visited Google Images. There I discovered that no one on earth seems to agree on what a raven shape-shifter looks like.

So I winged it (so to speak).

Here’s your doodle, Alicia! I hope you like it.

This is the only time I ever see ravens. — Do forgive me. (Click to enlarge.)

***

This is my last post before shutting down the blog for the summer. Before I go, however, I wanted to give you one last bit of doodle-related news:

DUE TO POPULAR DEMAND, I AM NOW ACCEPTING DOODLE COMMISSIONS!

That’s right! You no longer have to win a contest to get your very own doodle. You just need to pay me. Click on the Hire Me! menu above for rates and details.

***

Have a great summer everyone! I’m going to miss you!

Here, lemme give you a big hug.

See you in September!