The lovely and talented Susanna Leonard Hill is having another blog contest! I like to enter those. So I did.
The rules are simple: In 214 words or fewer, entrants must write a Valentine’s Day story where one of the characters is grumpy.
Enjoy!
Cranky Cupid
Corky smiled down on his loyal platoon. “Today’s the day! Today we launch our arrows in a war against loneliness!”
The cupids cheered. Well, most of them:
“Harrumph.”
Corky ignored this. “Today we make the world a happier place!”
“Harrumph!” the heckler repeated. He followed it up with worst swear word he could think of:
“Stinkypooperpot!”
“Gerald!” Corky barked. “Watch your language!”
“Why do we have to wear this?” Gerald grouched.
“You’re not wearing anything.”
“I know! Why do cupids need to be naked? Why must we show the world our creased caboodles? Why do we let everyone peep at our dingle wingle do-dahs?”
“Because it’s the rule,” Corky stammered.
“Why can’t we wear suits?”
“Because we can’t!”
The other cupids peered down at their own naked pudginess.
“Why can’t we?” one asked.
“A suit would be flattering!”
“And flashy!”
“No!” Corky boomed. “The rule is…”
He trailed off, for Corky’s mind flashed to an almost forgotten time many years ago…
“The rule is…” he tried again.
…when a pair of young lovers giggled at his blorpy bottom.
“The rule is…”
The memory turned him red all over.
“The rule is…” Corky announced, “STUPID!”
The cupids cheered.
That year The Suited Cupids spread the love and took the fashion world by storm.
Hey, Look! A Writer Fellow! 
You should win just for the dashingly dressed cupid! ❤ ❤
I never understood why they had to be little flashers.
Now that’s a cupid I would like to see coming my way 🙂
Most folks can’t pull off a pink suit.
Unless they are also carrying a quiver of heart-arrows 🙂
That story is so adroable! Good luck in the contest!
Many thanks, Beth!
Cellulited Cupids. Oh, that thought is a giggle.
Cupids are rarely svelte. I have no idea why.
They moonlight as chocolate tasters.
That would explain the pudge, wouldn’t it?
So–are cherubs guys or girls? It would matter concerning how to set up their suit jacket buttons .
I’ve always thought of cupids as boys, but I don’t know why. Maybe it’s a co-ed cupid program?
Equal opportunity nude chubbity
EONC support is something that has not gotten enough exposure in the presidential campaign. I can barely tolerate it.
haha interesting 🙂
T’anks.
Yes! Dress those little cherubs….lol
What they’ve been doing has been positively indecent.
Borderline illegal…
Yes indeedy!
Ha, you had me at “Stinkypooperpot.”
I thought I might’ve.
A very fun story. Good luck in the contest, Mike!
Thanks, Robin!
Only you would go there, Mike. Too funny. Love the cuss words and allusions to body parts. I’ll reblog on V-day 🙂 It’s sure to bring smiles to every grouchy pooperpants face.
As soon as I came up with “creased caboodle” I knew I had a story.
And thanks for the future reblog, my friend!
extremely nice, loving the flow of it….
T’anks, Kim!
u’re most welcome HeyLookawriterfellow
Handsome to the Max-love me some stylin’ cupid! Fun read and smooth illustration 🙂
I didn’t know if I should give the cupid a suit or a leisure suit, so I split the difference.
I never understood why cupids were naked. Glad someone stood up and changed the rules. You see, I blush way too easy; makes them uncomfortable.
Delightful story for Valentines. Can’t stop giggling. 😉 ❤
I’m not saying that cupids shouldn’t be Body Positive, but come on guys, throw on some slacks!
You should win just because of “creased caboodles” and “dingle-wingle do-dahs.” One of the most original and hilarious Valentine stories I’ve ever read! I was telling Susanne that my story comes in at 382 words, and I’m in love with it. So I don’t think I’ll have an entry unless I come up with something else….tic, tic, tic…..
I agree with Jil. Creased caboodles alone is priceless. I love the whole concept of suited Cupids.
I admit, “creased caboodles” did it for me, too.
I am glad, however, that I decided to edit out “jangling dangler”.
Oh, Susanna’s word counts are unbearable sometimes. I had to rejigger this one a jillion times to get it under 214. And don’t even get me started with the Halloweensie one!
The upside, of course, is once the contest is over your can you boost the word count to whatever you want. I nearly doubled the length of “Harold’s Hat” before I started sending it out.
Nice … enjoyed reading
Thanks, Mssoda!
How do you pronounce that, by the way?
Miss Soda
Ah, of course. Nice to meet you Ms. Soda.
Same here 😊
Awesome doodle and story!!! Would MUCH rather see a suited cupid than a nekked one!! Good luck… 😀
The presence of a nekkid cupid is just awkward for everyone.
Super original and funny story and I love the illustration, too. I think this story is a contender — good luck!
Thanks, Gabi! Good luck to you, too!
Dapper!
He’s a bit too pink for my taste, but it’s better than the alternative.
Green?
A bit leprechaun-ish, but still better than naked.
Especially in February!
Bravo! Couldn’t help but wonder where the inspiration of your character came from.
I am frequently crabby. I also prefer to be clothed. So Gerald and I are pretty much the same guy.
So original. What a fun entry!
Thanks, Catherine! Are you giving the contest a go? A grumpy Valentine’s Day sheep, perchance?
That’s a good idea!
Excellent! You still have time!
Ha Ha Ha!! Loved this! I had to stop reading because I was giggling so hard. I am sharing this!
Thank you kindly, Jaclyn! And welcome to the blog! Stay a spell. Have a cookie.
This is awesome. And I have a new word: Stinkypooperpot! Nice work!
I dare you to say it in the middle of a cocktail party.
Here, here to changing stupid rules. 🙂 Great story.
Amen to that, Jen! Stupidity begone!
You win. Hands down. Clothes on. Pink clothes. Hiding the dangling dingle wingles.. Thank goodness! Well, no. Thank Corky. 💓
the name Corky is a bit of a running joke between me and my boy. Whenever I can insert that name into a story, I will.
On another note: Why, oh, why don’t you ever enter these contests? Even if you don’t normally write for kids, this flash fiction stuff is right up your alley. Write something for your grandkids! C’mon. Be a sport.
Working on it, if I can make the deadline, my friend. But Corky keeps clouding my creative muse!!!!! I’m on vacation, and will use a creature from this place if I can get Corky and his pink clothes outta my head…. 🙂
No excuses, you! Remember, you first introduced yourself to me by pulling a capybara story out of thin air!
You have the chops for this, my good friend. Go kick my butt in this contest!
Oh Mike, when I saw the doodle I realised how much I missed you, and when I read the story, I realised what a skill it is to be so reliable a laugh crafter. You get me everytime my friend – no matter how serious I’m being. Good luck, and I’ll remember to drop by again more often…hope there’s more love than arrows coming your way so far this year….Hugs, Harula xxx
Yay! Harula is back! Where have you been, my friend?
Great language, great story, great job!
What a great thing to say!
Oh my word. That is funny and creative. Good job, Mike. Good luck in the contest!
Thanks so much, Christie! And good luck to you, too!
More doodles! More doodles! They don’t even have to contain cheese!
Settle down, you. I shall keep doodling.
I’m also planning an all new doodle contest in early March. So keep your eyes, peeled, my friend. Perhaps an Allegra original will soon accompany a stellar Spilecki sonnet.
Good story. Love the swear word. That is original you. I think if I saw stinkypooperpot in a comment somewhere, I would immediately think of you. 🙂
You think of me when you hear “stinkypooperpot.”
I don’t know how to feel about that.
No, no, no. The word is original you. Only YOU would devise a good word like stinkypooperpot in place of a swear word. Because it is so good, if , IF, I saw it in a comment somewhere, I would know it could only be you who made up the word–
And why am I groveling?
You must know what I meant. So why am I trying to explain? You have some wicked control over your readers, Mike. How do you do it. Is it mixed into your comedy? Something in the letters you use makes us both laugh and, and–what do you call this control?
You have no idea how good you are. Ugh! Why did I write that?
Oh, and good luck in the contest. You have a winner. Ugh! Again! 🙂
Reblogged this on Myths of the Mirror and commented:
Children’s author Mike Allegra cracks me up. I’ve never been much into the Valentine’s Day hoopla. Well, that changed with Mike’s take on those chubby little cupids that flit around shooting love arrows. Yet two days away, this will put a grin on your face and some Valentine’s fun in your heart. Enjoy.
Good luck in the competition Mike – great story!
Thanks, Roly!
Love it! My favorite swear word and so many other excellent word choices!!
When I wrote “stinkypooperpot” I thought of you.
Good Valentine’s Day story, Mike. No reason there shouldn’t be fashionable Cupids. 😀 — Suzanne Joshi
I concur. Thanks, Suzanne!
Bravo, i like it
And we’re so glad “you did!” Loved this story, Mike. I’m pleased to find your writing through Diana. Hugs.
I’m glad you liked the story, Teagan! I’m also glad you found this blog through Diana. She’s awesome.
Great story! I laughed out loud several times! 😀 I like the “cuss” word! 😀
You are welcome to use that cuss word in conversation.
Hahaha! Creased caboodles! Blorpy bottom! 🙂 And what a very important question your story addresses: why SHOULD Cupid’s be naked? Really, does anyone want to see that? 🙂 Especially when they could be decked out in such fashion as depicted in your dashing illustration?! Thanks so much for a hilarious entry, Mike! 🙂
I always felt cupids would look good in zoot suits as well.
Thanks so much, my friend, for pushing my mind in weird and wonderful directions!
This is adorable, Mike. I hope you win the contest and I hope a book is in the works with this story! Kids would LOVE this! I don’t think there are a lot of books in the Valentine’s Day humor genre for children… or books with dapper cupids in them, really… certainly not books with cupid language in them – which might be a first! Good luck, but I don’t think you will need it! 🙂
I do have a habit of taking Susanna Leonard Hill entries and and reworking them into more marketable stories. So, yes, there is a chance (however remote) that be-suited cupids might appear elsewhere.
I hope so! Just add a nice moral or two and there you have it! Although clothed cupids is a good message… even though kids may not be aware they are naked to begin with… so there’s a little explaining to do… which is actually a good thing in the end! 🙂
Moral: Put on some dang pants, you perv!
There you go, Mike! Best seller for sure! And helpful to parents of kids who drag their feet on getting dressed in the morning 🙂
Blorpy bottom–ha!
Yep. I had fun coming up with those.