When the pandemic first reared its ugly head, I made an executive decision: for 2021, I would not make New Year’s resolutions. As I saw it, coping with Covid required more than enough resolve, thank you very much. I didn’t need the added stress of resolving to do a bunch of other things just because it was January 1.
I held this same mindset as we slipped into 2022.
But then, a few days ago, I had a change of heart. This disease has taken a lot from each and every one of us and, dagnabbit, it wasn’t gonna take away my resolutions, too!
I like making New Year’s resolutions. It gives me an opportunity to reflect on my thoughts and habits, my successes and failures, and my hopes and dreams. Resolutions are a commitment to myself to become a better person. I like myself when I make them.
I don’t feel so crazy about myself when I fail to keep them, however.
So to celebrate my return to resolving things, I’ve decided to make my resolutions public to keep myself on task for the coming year.
My Resolutions For 2022
I RESOLVE to no longer ignore people who wear their masks improperly. In fact, I resolve to make my new catchphrase, “It goes over the nose, too, jerkass!” (Isn’t “jerkass” a wonderful word? It was invented by my dearly departed and unapologetically profane grandma. So when I “jerkass” someone, I will be slowing the spread of Covid and honoring the old gal’s memory.)
I RESOLVE to iron on a regular basis—provided I am unable to cajole, trick, persuade, threaten, or beg Ellen to iron instead. In other words, I’m ironing on a regular basis as Ellen is surprisingly resilient to these tactics.
I RESOLVE to no longer offer cold cereal for dinner as if it’s a special treat. I also resolve to remember that calling this meal a “Cereal Party” does not disguise the fact that I’m too lazy to cook.
I RESOLVE to nod and smile when Alex begins to monologue about Dungeons and Dragons, and do so convincingly enough whereby he’ll assume I know what he’s talking about.
I RESOLVE to write a middle grade novel with the title Pool Noodle, because, dangit, that’s a good title.
I RESOLVE to begin preparations for a 2024 bid for president. I’m running on the Perhaps-We-Should-Reconsider-Secession-Because-What-We-Have-Now-Sure-Isn’t-Working ticket. If elected, I’ll be flexible as to how the country could be cut in two, as long as Florida ends up in the country where I’m not. Florida knows what it did.
I RESOLVE to meet, cuddle, and befriend a capybara. A capybara, for those who don’t know (and shame on you!), is the world’s largest rodent. They look exactly like 100-pound guinea pigs, are semi-aquatic, and are famous for their innate ability to chillax. Full Disclosure: I actually had this item on my 2015 Bucket List, but failed to get it done. I can’t let it slide this year, however, for I have written a picture book about capybaras that will hit bookstores in the fall. It just seems wrong to write about a capybara without being friends with one.
And last but not least, I RESOLVE to come up with an effective and meaningful conclusion to this blog post. Eventually.
Did you come up with resolutions this year? If so, let me know in the comments! And if not, tell me why not! In short, let’s chat!