Sample Ladies
Shopping in one of those ginormous warehouse stores is exhausting. You’re pretty much hoofing half a mile every time you go down an aisle – and since they’re about 400 aisles in those places, you’re in for a very long walk.
So what a delight it is to turn a corner and encounter a smiling grandma-type ready – eager, really – to hand you a paper cup with a cookie or a wiener dog or a cheesy cracker inside. She knows you’re walking a marathon with a two-ton shopping cart in tow. She knows your blood sugar is low. She wants to help. She’s your support team.
“It’s good, hm?” she asks as you chew. And since she already knows your answer, she follows it up with a wink and an almost conspiratorial, “Have another.” And you comply, because you and your new grandma are sharing a special moment.
You also comply because, well, only one cup of whatever-it-was just doesn’t cut it. Go ahead and ask for a third one; she’ll give it to you.
Scotch Magic Tape
I take great pride in my ability to giftwrap unusually shaped objects. I chalk it up to my on-again/off-again obsessive compulsive disorder.
So it should come as little surprise that I find Magic Tape wonderful. You can make it nearly invisible by scratching it with a thumbnail; that, my friends, is the difference between a good wrapping job and a great one.
Once upon a time, my wife, Ellen, didn’t understand this. Once she bought a roll of cellophane tape. Her reason was “because it was on sale.”
That is a bad reason. The only acceptable reason is “because someone forced me at gunpoint.”
Not only was the cellophane tape absurdly, distractingly shiny, but also hard to rip off the roll and had this nasty habit of sticking to itself. I grumped about it constantly.
I don’t whine like this about most things. In my life I have (repeatedly) coped with getting fired; dealt with serious family illnesses; and helmed enormous, high priority, long-term projects without ever breaking a sweat. Subpar tape, however, is my kryptonite. That’s just the way I roll. Ellen has decided to love me anyway.
Ellen has also decided that cheap, crummy, evil tape is not worth the inevitable rift in our marriage and now buys the “correct” tape, regardless of price.
Yes, I know my wife is patient and wonderful. No need to tell me. I know.
Crunchy Leaves
I love to walk in the woods. I also love it when my footfalls make little noises. Fallen leaves make quiet, yet deeply satisfying “crish crish” sounds that gladden my heart. Don’t ask me why this affects me the way it does; I have no idea, but I’ll walk for miles to keep hearing that “crish crish.”
Now if someone ever decides to station a few sample ladies along those leafy, wooded paths, I would be a very happy man indeed.
What silly little thing makes you happy?
Hey, Look! A Writer Fellow! 
Tiny cupcakes…I don’t usually eat them but they are just tooo cute lol…silly huh?!
Well, if you don’t eat them, then yes. Silly!
I see I’ve met my counterpart! LOL Fall leaves – and fall itself – make me deliriously happy too, as does snow. I watch everyone grumbling about shoveling and raking and I just think to myself, “You’re totally missing the point.” 🙂
Love love love snow. And last year mother nature gave me the finger; one lame-o snowstorm in October and then nothing. Nada. Zip. Grr!
I guess I took it personally.
Love that! — ‘sample ladies along those leafy, wooded paths’. Heaven!
In the middle of a city street, there was a man picking berries from a tree overlapping from the park. He tip toed with his arms over his head the whole time. He picked non-stop, pulling berries from the tree and putting them in his mouth like a monkey — watching that made me very happy.
People watching is a wonderful hobby. And watching a true eccentric in action can be more entertaining than any movie, I think.
Three silly things, indeed, but I do agree, they are great. Free samples are always a God-send when you’ve traipsed around a huge warehouse, Scotch invisible tape has to be the best ever and it is fun to scrunch around in a pile of autumn leaves.
There is a particular type of ice in winter that makes a delicious crunch, like that of leaves, when you step on it – one of the few things I actually like about our northern winters. I also liked making mini-banana loaves for my kids. 🙂
Ah, that ice! I know exactly what you mean. It looks just like the frozen surface of a puddle, but when you crunch through, there’s no icy water beneath. Just air.
Deeply satisfying.
Love this post. My wife and I used to call these sorts of things “favorite things”.
One of mine is my reusable Starbucks plastic cup and straw. I never used to be a water drinker, but now I drink gallons a day just because I am compulsed to suck on that green straw all the time.
I dig. Straw slurping is deeply satisfying.
The only downside of winter is that you can’t use a straw for hot cocoa.
Those food samples look delicious!
I love when any goofy dog comes bumbling at me (is bumbling a word?) for a pet; that always puts me in a good mood, especially when I’m well dressed and possibly taking myself too seriously 🙂
That is a great one and, boy, do I agree.
On one insanely hot day in August, I visited a local orchard for a cider slushie and an apple donut. While I was eating on the farm store’s porch, and old, old yellow dog lying in the sun in front of me raised his sleepy head and decided I was the type of fellow he’d like to get to know better. He toddled over and flopped down next to me as if we belonged to each other. I was sort of honored.
“This,” I remember thinking, “is what I want my heaven to be like.”
How lovely! I would feel so honored as well.
I might have to do a whole post on this subject, a sort of homage to your blog. ; )
1. My kids are BANANAS about the sample ladies. Oddly, even when we have just eaten lunch or just eaten snack or just eaten anything at all. They are certain that all samples must be sampled and get into delirious craziness when they see the little stalls. I, because of this, am not quite as fond.
2. WE HAVE THE SAME KRYPTONITE!!!!! Luckily, I do most of the purchasing in our family. So Scotch tape is always in evidence. I do not know who purchased the ridiculous, faux tape that ended up in one of our drawers, but I turn into a wild, angry warthog when I try to tear tape off of it. The manufacturers should be arrested and sent to a prison with tape bars–they would not be able to twist and break them even if they tried.
3. So fun. Love me some leaves.
Great post!!!!
Homage away!
And, Anne, I am so very glad to see that we share cellophane tape hate. First Sedaris, then Bryson, and now this. I suspect that we will soon be the very best of friends.
It makes me ridiculously happy that my husband puts extra soup stock into the refrigerator labelled: CHICKEN STOCKEN. Now I want to write a book with that title!
I want a signed copy!
I do enjoy walking in leaves as well, but today the silly little thing that makes me happy is the smell of the clean sheets, pillowcases, and comforters I just put on the bed. 🙂
I’m with you on that. The first night in clean sheets always warrants an “Ahhhh!”
One of the reasons why I love Costco so much is the sample tables. And the books. 🙂
Not enough books in Costco for my taste. Not enough books in Barnes & Noble either, come to think of it; exactly when did B&N start to become a toy store?
I did a post like this a while ago, simple pleasures, it’s lovely that in this world of huge consumerism, we can still get get excited by the little things! 🙂
You gotta get into the habit of providing a link, Vanessa. In case you haven’t noticed, I enjoy reading your posts. Sheesh!
You enjoy them so much that you don’t remember that you did read that post and commented on it! It was a while ago though, so I’ll let you off – http://vanessa-chapman.com/2012/06/14/5-daily-simple-pleasures-and-2-weekly-ones/
Ahem. Well. Um. It was a pleasure to read it again.
I do still like swishing and crunching my feet down the street in the leaves creating the optimal amount of noise. I also love odd-shaped presents, like last year’s snow shovel disguised as Mr. Hanky Christmas Poo. I have a weird love for finishing things- like eating the last bowl of cereal or the last bowl of oatmeal from the circa 1998 container.
Lumpy presents are the best, aren’t they?
But a shovel wrapped to look like poop? You got a warped household there, Lauri.
I think those ladies don’t like the idea of anyone seeing the shopping isles as a free gym. They’re just trying to recuperate the calories. They might be getting backhanders from the gym. You should look into it 😉
Meh. I’m cool with that particular conspiracy.
I want me some snackies!
I love school supplies – sharpened color pencils and pens. I also like those samples, too. Sometimes, I feel like kiddo is getting a free lunch. At our Costco, the sample ladies (and a few men) get a bonus when you buy. It’s a good incentive to buy after you try, because who wants 144 burritos when you’ve never tried them before?
You reminded me of another good one: The big box of Crayolas with the sharpener in the back. I never liked to use the sharpener, but I took great pleasure in knowing it was there.
And, just so you know, I’m having problems with your blog. No matter how many times I attempt to follow it, your new posts never show up in my reader. No idea why this is, but I need to make a habit of checking out what’s going on in Stacyland without relying on notifications.
Yum, I like the look of those samples! Um, I really love being the first person to open and use stuff, like butter!
And peanut butter!
Oh, that’s a good one, Beth.
Haha, yes exactly!
Ooh –I love crunchy leaves too. Incidentally, I also love going to Trader Joes (as opposed to ginormous chain store) because they always have yummy samples. Yay to nature and free samples!!
Trader Joes has the samples, true, but you don’t need them there the way you do at Costco.
I hate cellophane tape. Why do people not understand the difference between the right tape and wrong tape?
I love when it rains while it’s still sunny out and splashing in puddles!
Welcome Four Eyes!
I’m not much of a puddle jumper, I admit. But I am a fan of the garden hose sneak attack. Good enough?
Well now I want to go tape up a few presents 🙂
Well, if you do, for God’s sake, use the right tape!
I have an unhealthy obsession with tape in general, especially duct tape. It’s more than the color or design. It’s also the tearability, stickiness, weave of the underlying cloth, thickness, and so on. When making duct tape objects like wallets, you have to be careful about mixing Scotch brand with Duck Tape brand. These are important facts.
Duct tape is wonderful. Did you know that, because the tape is waterproof, it was originally called “duck tape”?
Seriously. (I learned my lesson with the Yogi quote. No more bamboozling.)
Oh I do like how you tied that all together. And when you really think about every place on earth should offer some type of free sample. But maybe I’m just dreaming of heaven. 😀
My vision of heaven is a whole lot like The Turkey Hill Experience. They don’t just give you free samples of ice cream, they give you free scoops. And the samples never stop coming! Woo!
http://turkeyhillexperience.com/
Soooo many silly things make me happy, like reading fun blog posts early in the morning while my man brings me my special tea latte from the corner cafe, the one with lots of foam and powdered chocolate on top (the tea, not the man) and kisses me good morning on my neck (the man, not the tea).
You are a wise woman, Pam.
The neck’s an excellent place for kissing, that’s for sure.
Oh, and I take it, this is one of those “fun blog posts?” (Ooh, I hope, I hope, I hope!)