The lovely and talented Susanna Leonard Hill is hosting another writing contest and, well, I always like a good contest.
The theme of this one is a Fractured Fairy Tale in 400 words or less.
“Someone has been sleeping in my bed!” exclaimed Papa Bear.
“Someone has been sleeping in my bed!” exclaimed Mama Bear.
“Someone has been sleeping in my bed!” exclaimed Baby Bear. “And there she is!”
At that, Goldilocks awoke with a shriek, jumped out the window, and ran away as fast as she could.
But it wasn’t fast enough. Before she could disappear into the forest, a large hand clamped down on her shoulder and slapped on the cuffs.
The man was in uniform. He scowled at Goldilocks and spoke into his crackling walkie talkie. “I got her,” he growled. “I’ll be downtown in ten.”
Then he turned to Golidlocks. “You’re coming with me, blondie.”
“Breaking and entering, grand theft porridge, vandalism, squatting… You’re a regular crime wave, kid.”
And into the squad car she went.
“You punks are all alike,” the officer said once they arrived at the station. “You always think you’re the hero.”
He pointed to a boy getting his mug shot. “See that kid? He thinks he’s a hero, too. But he’s been charged with murder, burglary, and chopping down a giant beanstalk without a forestry permit. He ain’t no hero, girlie, and neither are you.”
Goldilocks was shoved into a holding cell. She was terrified by the lowlifes who surrounded her. There was a woodsman who practiced stomach surgery without a license. Pigs who attempted to boil their dinners alive. Prince charmings found carrying unregistered swords and daggers. Billy goats accused of assault and battery.
It was a motley crew.
“What’s going to happen now?” Goldilocks asked the officer.
“Well, first we gotta catch up with Cinderella and Snow White,” he replied.
“What are they wanted for?” she asked.
“Oh,” the man replied, “we’ll come up with something.”
At that moment, another officer shouted in triumph. “We got ‘em!”
A joyous “Whoop!” went up throughout the precinct as Snow White and Cinderella were booked, photographed, fingerprinted, and tossed in the cell with the others.
“A good day’s work, gentlemen!” said the police captain emerging from his office. He wasn’t exactly a police captain, though.
He was a Big Bad Wolf.
The officers then pulled off their masks.
Goldilocks and the other prisoners shuddered at the sight.
It was official: Fairy Tale Forest was under new management.
102 Replies to “Goldilockup”
ha! love it! 🙂
Bravo! That was awesome and it read as if told by the wolf in Hoodwinked.
I love cartoons, but I never saw Hoodwinked. Is it any good?
Brilliant! There’s two out now but I think the first is the best. That singing goat is my favorite. You have to see it.
A singing goat, you say? I am so there!
Oh yes! Why do I keep forgetting? Look it up on YouTube
Fantastic story, Mike!
You know, I’m not sure new management would be such a bad thing. On one hand, Cinderella and Snow White are probably innocent . . . but honestly, Goldilocks and Jack are thieves and scoundrels, and even royalty shouldn’t be allowed to go around feeling other people’s feet, no matter what flimsy pretext they use.
And I’d personally like to see that princess who lost that golden ball down the well be put away for animal cruelty.
I have always always always been annoyed by Goldilocks and, especially, Jack. What rotten and entitled children they are.
And, wait, are you saying Prince Charming has a foot fetish? Oh, my! That puts a whole new spin on that story, doesn’t it?
Enter the contest with that story, Sarah! Do it! Go!
Funny and terrifying, a clever combination!
Glad you liked it, Wendy! Thanks!
LOL! Great fractured fairy tale! 😀
I’m thinking you’ve got the makings of a CSI episode here…
Maybe, but I’d need to add a gross autopsy.
Wow, this is fast paced, lots of action and incorporates a lot of characters. This is worthy of a book. Outstanding entry!
Thanks so much, Patricia!
Love this, Mike! What a set-up! Great how you corralled all those fairytale characters into one cell and turned the first management on its head! 🙂 Tons of fun! Thanks so much for joining in!
Thanks so much for doing these contests, Susanna! They are wonderful sources of inspiration.
Great story, Mike! Good luck in the contest.
Cool! Even more gruesome than the Grimm brothers!
Oh, I can get gruesomer than this!
I don’t doubt you for a second! 🙂
Brilliant! Now all we need is a jailbreak!
That what my son says. I promised him I’d take a stab at turning this into a Middle Grade book.
Reblogged this on Eva Writes and commented:
Awesome and FUN!
Thank you so much for the kind words and reblog, Eva!
For crimes to pin on Snow White, she did break and enter into the Dwarves house. As for Cinderella, she break into the royal palace without permission.
What if the Prince wanted Cinderella arrested for running away from a royal ball?
If memory serves, everyone was invited to the ball. It was the wicked stepmother and stepsisters who forbade it.
As for the running away part, Cinderella couldn’t be arrested for that, as Prince Charming does not control these rogue cops. Remember: he is already in the pokey by the time Cindy gets there.
This cracked me up. Love it. Who would have thought Fairy Tale Land can be so nasty. 😀 😀
Bravo. Wonderful idea.
Thanks so much, Tess!
And Fairy Tale Forest is no nastier than downtown Newark.
Ha ha ha. Sorry about Newark.
Once upon a time…crime does not pay!
My favorite line:
grand theft porridge
Now that is funny! Great job, Mike!
I’m fond of that line, too, I must admit!
I’m with Penny, but I loved it when the officer said, ‘he ain’t no hero, girlie,’!
Thanks, Julie! I could write cop-speak all day.
Love it! So funny! I’m with Penny, Grand Theft Porridge is my favourite line too.
And welcome to my blog! Can I getcha something? Coffee? Tea? A scone?
I didn’t expect the twist! 😀 AWESOME!!!!!!! I can always count on you to make me laugh. I think. You can also make me groan with some of your “jokes”. SO, how’s the cookie-baking going? 😉
Oh, I do love to make the groaners sometimes…
Anyhoo! I’d love to sit and chat, kid, but those cookies ain’t gonna bake themselves!
ha ha ha ha ha oh brilliant. 🙂 well done, great ending, good pace, great characters fabulous twist
Thanks so much, Cecilia. And welcome!
Briliant, brilliant, brilliant! Yes. This.
Wow! A compliment from Geena Davis!
There was an animated program on TV at one time called “Fractured Fairytales”. This would fit perfectly. It would be interesting to see how things turn out under new management. Nice job.
Are you referring to the Fractured Fairytales from Rocky and Bullwinkle? I was devoted to that show (though Dudley Do-Right was always my favorite segment).
That’s it! I forgot that it was a Rocky and Bullwinkle thing. Dudley Do-Right was my hero. The Fractured Fairytales were great too.
You’ve got a kiddo installed in the household and have yet to see Hoodwinked?!? How’d that happen *puzzled amazement*
Oh yeah–definitely go with the middle grade novel with this one AND include the illustrations.
As for the contest *spweish* why enter when this is the winner 👌
Hoodwinked looked a little low rent to me when it came out, so I didn’t bother with it. But, hey, I respect your opinion and will give it a go.
And, Cricket, you are too kind! (But I’ve been puzzling over what “spweish” is supposed to mean. Is it the equivalent of “pshaw”?)
Spweish–[spw•eech] auditory exclamatory; a sound produced with the lips indicating surprise, disbelief, or in extreme cases, derision.
As for Hoodwinked–some folk snooted at the animation, but they missed the homage to the old Rankin cartoon style. The writing is 5star wit. I’ve showed this in the classroom ad a means of demonstrating allusion. I think I caught over 40. Yes, taxpayer dollars go towards educating our students via cartoons. I’ve been known to show Bugs Bunny and Popeye to liven up the lesson .
Very clever to write your story-after-the-story. But then, we know we can always count on great humor from you. Nice Job, Mike!
Well aren’t you a sweetie, Joanne!
I am intimidated and will NOT be entering this contest! On the brighter side, you had me from “I’m entering a Fractured Fairytale contest.” What, I wondered, is a fractured fairy tale? Does it mean demented, or broken like a beautiful glass window? You answered the question brilliantly – it means put together a writer and doodler with an immense sense of humor and talent, and voilà, a fractured fairy tale. You win, tales down.
Oh, pish tosh, Pam! You are more than capable of holding your own in this competition. Is my memory faulty, or are you the writer who banged out a story about a capybara on a dare?
Well, blush blush, a capybara and a shoefly pie, if I remember correctly….
Yes, indeedy! I wish I could remember where that story is.
Better do a little looking…
In fractured space, with other fractured stories, piled up by the three (not so little) bears and used for kindling on a cold night.
I love how you included all the other fairy tales into this one and yet modernized it up with the cop speak. Great plot twist at the end..that cunning wolf…will we be hearing from him again?
Thanks so much, Mrs. P!
And, yes, I do plan to play a bit more with this story. There may be a chapter book here.
Great idea…you got my vote!
Oh this was SO fun!! “grand theft porridge” — I mean, how can someone NOT love that! And the ending line was fantastic. (applause!)
Thank you for the kind words and applause, Ericka.
This is a nice set up for ‘part two’. Bravo! This was a lot of fun Mike — I really enjoy this!
Thanks, Sandee! I’m pondering part two as we speak.
And then what happened? I think the baby bear realizes that these guys aren’t good and goldilocks just made a mistake. So he stages a break out! And there should be weaponized porridge. Love your twists!
T’anks, Lauri. I must admit the weaponized porridge is tempting, but I have a different protagonist in mind for chapter 2.
Hey Mike! What an awesome story…there are so many entries, I only read a couple to my husband…the best and the funniest…and you know I read him yours, right? 🙂
“You always think you’re the hero” and “Get in the car, blondie”…I’ll remember those lines for a long time…you definitely have a way with words!
You make me blush. Thank you, Vivian!
But it’s true!!!!!
I love it! Very creative. “Grand theft porridge” made me laugh.
That’s my favorite line, too, I must admit. Thanks, Katie!
Aw, shucks. I am kind a cute, aren’t I?
Oh, wait. Do you mean the story?
Pssshhhhh I’ll let you interpret it however you’d like. It’s Monday, I’m feeling generous.
Ha! The villains take over!
For the time being…
Great twist writerfellow! I love how you start at the end of the actual tale. And who knows, maybe those villains aren’t as villainous as they’ve been portrayed:-)
Villainy is in the eye of the beholder, isn’t it?
Thanks so much for your kind words, Shelly!
I love a good cliffhanger!
Love it Mike – and I love the doodle of Goldie in her cell:-) Any more doodles from this story you’d care to share? Looking forward to chapter two, and I second all the numerous commenters above who’ve said their favourite line is ‘grand theft porridge’ – that could be a very serious crime here in Scotland, the country is teaming with oats! Congrats and let us know when you win…Hugs, H xxxx
Teeming with oats, you say? Sounds like Scotland is my kinda place. When waffles are not available, I am all about the porridge.
Glad you liked the story, my friend!
So funny!! I loved that twist in the end, snuck right up on me. Good luck in the finals Mike!
The competition was so stiff, that I’m delighted I’ve gotten this far!
Guess who’s one of the ten finalists for Susanne Leonard Hill’s March Madness writing contest? None other than Goldilockup!!! Woohooo! Get thee over to Ms. Hill’s contest site:
to vote for this fabulous story!
You’re a peach, Jilanne!
This story made me laugh out loud. Heading over to vote right now!
You are awesomesauce!
Goldilocks for Mayor!
Reblogged this on Dear Writers and commented:
Gotta love this story from heylookawriterfellow. Here is Goldilocks like you’ve never seen her before. Totally made my day.
If you really love it, head over to http://susannahill.blogspot.com/ to vote for it in the March Madness Writing Contest.
XO Laurel Leigh
Grimm and glorious!
Thanks, Susan! Yer a peach!
What a great twist!!
‘Bout time that young hooligan got what was coming to her! lol xoxoM