At the start of 2015, I posted six resolutions that I planned to accomplish over the coming year. By the first week of February, I had nailed two of them:
Resolved: I will do something bold, yet well-planned.
Resolved: I will get rid of my golf ball collection in a manner that is – at the very least – mildly amusing.
Needless to say, I was feeling rather good about myself. In fact, I was smug. “Ha ha!” I chuckled. “I have 11 months to accomplish four more measly resolutions. Easy-peasy lemon squeezy!”
The remaining resolutions didn’t seem all that tricky, either:
Resolved: I shall neither form opinions nor comment on the opinions of others until I have finished at least one big mug of morning coffee.
Resolved: I will meet more blog buddies in person.
Resolved: I will become a Laundry Master.
Resolved: I shall write early and often.
But, then, resolution-wise, I kind of hit a wall. February became March and March became April. During that time I was unable to put anything in the done pile.
That is, until last week. My lovely wife, Ellen, with great ceremony, presented me with the following two documents (suitable for framing).
Thank you, my love! I am honored and touched. And I can now see the light at the end of the resolution tunnel.
Onward!
Hey, Look! A Writer Fellow! 
Ahh, marriage and the fine art of typewriting! Well done, sir.
Thank you, my friend. And congrats on your anniversary! I will be celebrating my own 13th year this July.
This just started my morning well. I truly hope I am one of the blogging buddies you get to meet in person some day. 😀
Oh, you will be.
YAY!!
I congratulate you. I applaud you. Now go and do some ironing, kiss your wife who clearly adores you, have a good cup of coffee and … follow me! All the best. Love the blog.
Kris
http://www.awritersden.wordpress.com
http://www.the1951club.org
Thank you fine sir — and welcome! I shall pay you a visit.
I knew from the start you would ace the laundry challenge…any neat freak would do well with laundry! But I am impressed about keeping your opinions to yourself…that must have been quite challenging, like trying to quit smoking.
So, how does it work? Are you gritting your teeth through that first cup and the opinions come like buckshot from a sawed off double barrel shot gun once you have finished?…or does the chillaxing affect of fresh java short circuit your brain long enough to temper your opinions into thoughtful and helpful suggestions?
I think the bloggers want to know these things. 😀
The only thing that held up the laundry challenge was my reluctance to iron. As I’ve told my wife time and again, if you fold clothes when they are still warm and not *too* dry in most cases you don’t need an iron. But Ellen had this frilly blouse that thumbed its nose as my mantra.
So ruffled blouse thing sat in ironing basket until I could ignore it no longer. It took forever, but the end result was, if I may say so, impressive.
Once I focused on the coffee ritual, it became a habit. It helps that I now get up at the same time as my wife; she is too tired to form opinions at 5:30 and I am too tired to comment on them.
Ha! Rick and I don’t talk to each other, other than good morning or I love you… for at least a half hour. Contemplating any conversation in which he has to organize thoughts is a sure way to invoke a snarl. Self preservation has taught me to enjoy my quiet times in the morning.
You two are a smart couple.
😀 😀 I think so!
Good work, Mike. Blogland is impressed. (Ow. My cat is biting me as I write this. Ow. Why?). Anyway, good luck on the next two. You are an resolution inspiration.
Thank you, D. Wallace!
And if I may venture a guess as to your cat’s behavior: it is because you are praising a well-know rodent lover.
I think he was telling me he wants shredded salmon today instead of flaked chicken. We’ve never tried canned rodent. You may have something there.
Hey! That’s not what I meant at all!
Awww Ellen, she’s a sweetheart ❤
Kudos to you for ticking yet again some more things off your resolution list. I think number 2 certificate might have been more difficult to attain than number 1(?) Good job and Godspeed.
I’ve found it’s not hard to prioritize coffee.
Congratulations not only on your achievements in the areas of laundry wrangling and beverage consumption, but also in your choice of supportive spouse! 🙂
Finding the spouse was my best achievement.
Dang. Had I thought of it and met up with you when I was in New York, I would have helped you cross off one more resolution. Well . . . there is still time. I want to hit New York again this year, and meet you!
I know!
I eagerly await your next visit.
Good job! I think that one cup of coffee resolution is one I should take on myself!
🙂
Your wife seems really awesome by the way.
She is awesome!
And coffee does indeed make a person more open-minded and tactful.
I hope I am one that you meet in person! I can totally help you write more often! What gets in your way? I can blog about that! (My superpower…, well, one of them…)
I’d love to meet you! Do you have any plans to visit New Jersey? (Does anyone?)
Oh, I’m writing often. It’s the writing *early* that gets me.
Not any time soon alas, but if you ever find yourself near Boston, let me know.
I certainly will.
I’ve been off coffee for awhile so it has been some time since an opinion has graced these lips. However, in my humble opinion your wife is a keeper. You are extremely blessed to have her.
Oh, Michelle, you poor thing. Drink coffee. It’s a life saver.
And, yup, Ellen’s a keeper alright.
Fantastic! We should have all done this, it’s so funny.
There’s still time. Resolve something!
I particularly love that this was written on a typewriter! (Or a clever font/software package that makes it look genuinely like it was done on a typewriter!).
I avoid ironing at all costs, I see from one of your other comments that you are of the same opinion – generally it can be avoided, but there are some occasions where it just can’t. I don’t think I would ever get any kind of ironing award, and I’m ok with that.
Those note are the product of a real 1930-something Royal typewriter. And, oh, how I love it. I even know how to fix it, when the need arises.
I enjoy washing and folding clothes, but ironing stinks. I just don’t think a shirt is worth all of that individualized attention. It’s a shirt, not a loved one!
You lucked out when you married this lady. She is awesome and now you are awesome too, not that you weren’t before, you’re simply MORE awesome. Bless you for keeping a tidy house. You’ll knock off all the resolutions off your list. Still lots of time. Now, go iron another blouse to stay ahead of the game. 🙂 😀 😛
Oh, Tess, not a day goes by where I don’t realize how lucky I am — even on the days when I’m forced to iron.
😀 😀 😀 When I was a kid, I watched my father iron. He was particular about the sharp crease of his trousers so he ironed them himself. I was amazed he knew how to do it. 😮
My dad was no such ironing inspiration. He was an accident prone inspiration, however.
Ha ha ha ha ha. What are you saying? Chip off the old block? 🙂
Wow, Ellen saved your bacon. I think you owe her big time! Only two more to go. Have you been writing early and often?
Often, yes. Early is another story.
Then you must drink more coffee.
Yes, indeedy.
Not only are those documents suitable for framing, they appear to have been typed on a typewriter. Is that even possible? Or is it cleverly selected font?
Oh, they were made with a gen-u-wine 1930-something Royal typewriter. A finer machine there never was.
Wow, I’m not sure whether to bow to you or snicker. 😉
Don’t you snicker at my Royal typewriter.
Sorry. Just had something stuck in my throat. Yeah, that’s it.
How could a writer snicker at a typewriter? For shame!
See if you feel the same way when you run out of ribbon and all the stores are closed. (Happened to me all the time in college. And now I’ve just dated myself…)
That’s what Amazon’s for, silly! It’s where contemporary commerce hawks ancient technology.
Your achievements boggle the mind, with or without coffee! Keep up the good work! (Although I have to say it sounds like Ellen deserves a lot of the credit here… :)) I personally do not own a ruffled blouse, but if I ever get one, now I know who to call to iron it 🙂
Ellen deserves most of the credit most of the time.
And it seems that every time I turn around you’re suggesting that I come to your house to do chores. Don’t get me wrong, I think very highly of you — but it’s never gonna happen.
Congratulations, Mike! Those are some serious accomplishments. It’s hard staying focussed on writing when there’s laundry to fold and iron. But maybe there’s a dust bunny story that you haven’t discovered just yet. Good luck!
The housework/writing balance is tricky — especially now that there is yardwork to add to the mix.
But so far so good.
Congratulations Mike! I am soo proud! of you and for you! You are my idol! I congratulate your lovely wife also for giving you kudos! Apparently your “love language” is words of affirmation! 😀
Onward and upward!! *hold sword up high as you march ahead* 😉
OH… and I found this cool article via Ned Hickson (a fellow blogger) about Extreme Ironing I thought you might find interesting! 🙂
I think I spend too much time ironing as it is; I’m certainly not gonna turn it into and all-day extreme sport!
Besides, as my previous posts affirm, I injure myself making beds. If I jumped out of a plane, I would never live to tell the tale. (And I’d probably burn myself on the iron before I went splat.)
I sent another reply to this comment that looks like may have dropped into your SPAM folder. Please look there if you don’t see it…. 😉
An idol? Jeepers!
Uhm.. yeah! I idolize any man who is willing to iron! 😉
You should google “Extreme Ironing” it is an actual thing! They have contests and everything. Some of the pictures will blow your mind!! 😀
woo hoo!!
And a “woo hoo” to you too!
Your wife is the best. Love this! 😉
She is, Dino, she is.
Cool! 😀 Your wife sounds like a real nice lady! 😀
She is, Erik, she is.
Wow – your coffee resolution is much nicer than my “no questions before coffee” rule I use unsuccessfully with my 4 year-old. I feel officially inspired.
Kids don’t understand how daddies need coffee. It’s a pity, really. Someone oughta invent a breakfast cone of silence.
Wait. I’ve scrolled down and read the comments (and lovely heartfelt comments they are…except maybe for the snicker, but that was about the typewriter, not your laundering mastery). Anyway, did I read that you are awake by 5:30 a.m., thus, able to drink coffee before expressing an opinion??? May the gods be praised. I knew you’d turn toward the good side, the dawn side, the early side of righteousness and courage, one of these days. And as a plus, doing so has helped you complete a resolution. Sigh. I am content. (As I applaud your mastery of the laundry, and Ellen’s sweet sense of humor).
I am awake by 5:30, yes, but I don’t like it!
Your dear wife has a wonderful sense of humor and should always be an inspiration to you. I do hope you have framed the certificates given you for your accomplishments. I, applaud you for the use of your typewriter. I too have a 1940’s era Underwood. I love it and it will always have a place at my desk but I’m afraid arthritis has gotten the best of my hands so using the typewriter is a real challenge these days. Now, as for the ironing. Ironing, is an ART. If you have truly excelled at the ART of ironing, you have learned to iron on a Mangle. Just like the typewriter, it was the epitome of technology in their time. The mangle and the typewriter came a bit before me but I have always loved that they were invented as time savers in this ever so evolving world. I, myself, at age 13 could iron a mans dress shirt as neatly and quickly as anyone, using our mangle. One day, I shall own another mangle, just because. I’m not doubting your ability to iron and I send you praise for your accomplishments in this field too, but if you ever get the chance, jump on one of these Mangles and learn an old technique of a dying art form. You’ll be glad you did. But there again, have your coffee first.
I had to look up “mangle iron.” So THAT’S what those roller things are called!
I will never argue that ironing is an art. As a tyke I watched Mom go to town on all types of shirts, slacks, blouses, dresses, curtains, handkerchiefs and anything else that dared to acquire an unwanted wrinkle. She ironed with the grace, verve and style of Audrey Hepburn as choreographed by Jerome Robbins.
It was art, pure and simple.
If you are willing to drive up to Washington DC in July when I am doing my Hamlet workshop I can help with at least one of those pesky rezs.
I’ve been wanting to visit DC…
Mark your calendar, plan a family vaca, and meet a mouse-loving Cricket!
There may not be too many things more difficult to master than laundry, although creating a legible document on a Royal Typewriter may be one of them. So three cheers for Ellen! And good for you too.
Royals are marvelous machines. One thing I love about old manual typewriters is that when they break down (which is rare) I have the ability to repair them.
On the other hand, as far as computers are concerned, I can barely install an app without calling GeekSquad.
I might just adopt your resolution about not offering opinions after I’ve had at least one cup of coffee 🙂 thanks for a great post
Oh, Lora, I swear by the coffee thing.
She’s definitely a keeper Mike….and kudos to you on accomplishing two more resolutions. As far as the laundry you are definitely ahead of the curve. I’ve been trying to teach my son the finer points of doing his own laundry and he has yet to clean the lint screen….ever. I don’t think he remember where it is. Come to think of it, maybe that’s why the level of laundry detergent always seems to remain the same. Darn! And if you can hold your opinions until only ONE mug of coffee, my hat’s off to you. I need at least two.
Maybe you can draw a doodle of a female turkey I’m writing about….something a little more challenging than a cat.
Two mugs of coffee is ideal, Tiger. But one is enough to get by.
And what is with your son? Cleaning the lint screen is the best part of laundering!
As for your turkey request, I’ve already gotten it covered: https://mikeallegra.com/2012/10/26/craftastic/
Now that’s progress! (and nobody talks before coffee – not even the dog wants to chat before a bit of blinking at the sun and some dog yoga stretches. Of course the cat is a morning person – and gets pillows thrown at her…we think she’s doing it out of spite and is really napping way to much in order to be irritating in the morning…
Congrats – nothing like a certificate!
I am convinced that cats do everything out of spite.
If they know you know……
They know I know. And they are spiteful because I know.
A) I’m jealous that you have a typewriter. I’ve wanted one for many moons. The ability to write quickly without looking at a screen sounds like heaven. Plus, I freaking love that sound.
B) Congrats on becoming a Laundry Master. That ain’t easy.
C) When you come to Portland, we shall have an in-person convo…and it will be grand.
Oh, the THWACK! of a manual typewriter is wonderful. It feels so industrious. And, like a piano, you can express your mood (or the mood of your story) based on how hard you press the keys.
Typewriters are not that hard to come by, my friend. Peruse a few antique stores; you should be able to pick up a good, working model for less than $50.
And when I ever get to Portland, you will be the first person I call.
Wow! So sorry to be late to this absolutely wonderful post. You are a lucky guy, Mike. Not only does your wife appreciate you–and show you this, keep up with your hopes, dreams, and resolutions, she knows what a typewriter is and how to use one. Someone will come along someday and ask, “What font is this?” You need a font name at the ready. 🙂
I’ve been asked about the font a few times already. How soon the world forgets!
And, yeah, I’m lucky. 🙂
Super cute, Mike. And typed notices–nice. Glad to see the habit stuck these years later!