My family and I spend many joyous evenings conjuring up inappropriate picture book titles. Sometimes we don’t even know we’re coming up with titles; we’ll just be chatting away, someone will say something weird, and I’ll follow it up with: “Hey, that’s the title of my next picture book!”
Then we all giggle like idiots.
God Knows you Farted is probably my favorite of the lot, but I also have a soft spot for The Sluttiest Mennonite, Curious George at the Gun Show, and The Moistness.
(The Moistness has a wonderful “ew” factor, doesn’t it? Possible sequel: The Crustiness.)
Considering how creative my blog readers are (Man, do I love you people!), I thought I’d ask for your input. What awful PB titles can you come up with? Write me a comment! Be creative! Tackle the most unlikely PB subjects! (Just remember, folks, this blog is rated PG.)
Hey, Look! A Writer Fellow! 
The Littlest Fluff (which is what we call dainty farts)
That’s kind of adorable.
kind of?????
*Quite* adorable. Okay?
lol….yes …… thanks for the smile.
The Unicorn Princess. I have photos.
This is not an awful title. Come on, now!
WHAT???
I most likely was the one who farted. The other night I was the Dutch Oven Dutchess.
You must write that book, Lauri! You MUST!
Silent but Deadly!! 😀
A fine title to be sure, but for the record, the titles do not hafta be flatulence-related.
🤪
My Booger are Yummy (my little grandson said something like that)
I could totally see that title happening. And YOU just might be the person to bring that story to fruition.
“The Hypoglycemics Eat Breakfast Out” — coined while my family was becoming hysterical over pancakes, syrup and sausage at a public eating establishment.
I really like that title, actually.
“Diarrhea of a Worm” is the best I can come up with right now. 🙂
Well, the week is still young.
“The Legend of the Lost Sock,” “Brothers are Friends, Not Punching Bags,” and “What’s Under There?”
These are our family’s actual phrases that may get into publishing…
Ooh, “What’s Under There?” is full of uneasy possibilities.
The Russians need your gas
But the Russian already have large natural gas deposits. Learn your geography! 😉
I was pretty bad at geography. The teacher was a cutey. A red head 😂
Fair enough.
The Grub Worm Ate My Grammy
(the PB can be non-fiction, right?)
That. Is. The perfect. Awful title.
I knew I could count on you, Pam.
I might have won a contest…and a doodle….for that one, huh? 🙂
I might do a doodle of granny and the grub worms. Does that work for you?
Haha. Yes. By the way, my title is non-fiction, not fiction. Happened (almost) just this last weekend. 🙂
Ew! Do tell!
You’ll see a touch of it in my Friday’s post – G rated version. 🙂
Why is the Toilet Black?
Stop Staring!
Company’s Coming, Clean!
…wait a minute…are we doing your work for you, Tom Sawyer?
Dang. Why IS the toilet black?
All I can say is any house which is inhabited by unmarried males who are interested in only partying is not a house where I want to use the bathroom.
It sounds like this title comes from personal experience then?
“Grandpa Can’t Eat that Anymore”
“No one Wants to Date a Dirtbag (and other reasons why adult children should clean their room)”
“Where’s the Other Half of the Cockroach?”
“Recovery: Life Without My Uvula”
All stated in our house at one point in time.
“LIfe Without My Uvula” has real possibilities. A true story, is it?
I would by a book called, “God Knows You Farted”. Just sayin’.
How about “I Resemble That Remark”. (Often said in this house).
The more I think about “God Knows You Farted,” the more I wonder if I should take a crack at writing the manuscript.
Absolutely! No question.
I just noticed I got “corrected” to “by” instead of “buy”. I would totally buy that book.
I knew what ya meant! And now I think I will totally try to write that book!
“But I Don’t Want to Take My Pill!” (overheard on an airplane before takeoff, followed by quiet laughter elsewhere)
That’s a funny thing to overhear, BUT… I could *totally* write a legit PB manuscript with the title. It could be a story about a child who was born with a chronic illness who wishes he could be a “normal” kid.
No one Lives in the Closet
That’s actually a good title for a PB. It could be a book about things that *don’t* go bump in the night.
So you failed the assignment, Alicia.
Give it another try, why don’cha?
Or… It could be about a teenager who decided his closet was big enough to put his bed in and slept in there which totally frustrated his father. Truth is sometimes stranger than fiction.
I think you have the topic for your next blog post!
Icky Edibles and Slimy Slurpables.