Celebrate Cats! Ugh.

And it has come to this.

And it has come to this.

As regular readers of this blog know, I am not a fan of cats.

I am horribly allergic.

I am also a protector of the cute, fuzzy, little animals that cats enjoy killing. Like this angel:

Her names is Lucy and I looooove her.

Her names is Lucy and I looooove her.

So cats are not welcome anywhere near the Allegra house.

Many of you devoted cat owners out there have chosen to look past my anti-feline stance. You are wonderful, forgiving people who accept me for who I am. I thank you.

But one of you, using a form of extortion that would make Tony Soprano flinch, forced me draw a picture of one.

Just kidding. Jilanne Hoffmann is actually a wonderful person. A few months ago, she and I made a deal. Jilanne would use her son to promote my organization, Humans Against Celebrity Kid Stories (H.A.C.K.S.), and I, in turn, would draw a commemorative postage stamp on the subject of his choice.

I used to draw these stamps all the time for my own son. Here’s a small sampling from Alex’s collection:

Celebrate Showers

Bed!

Celebrate sand

I also made Alex a couple of gross ones.

Snot!

Toots

Jilanne held up her end of the bargain, so I owed her son a stamp. Since her boy is nine, I assumed I would be drawing a sequel to Snot or Toots. So you can imagine my surprise when he asked for “Celebrate Cats.”

I tried to convince him otherwise. I truly did. Rats are cuter, I told him. Much cuter. But he was unpersuaded.

So here’s your cat, kid. You’ll get the original drawing in the mail in a few days. And don’t ask me for anything else until you learn how to properly appreciate rodents. I have a Celebrate Guinea Pigs stamp in me just aching to get out.

***

What’s that? You wanna be cool like Jilanne and join the H.A.C.K.S. team? Click HERE to learn about the organization and click HERE to become a member!

82 thoughts on “Celebrate Cats! Ugh.

  1. As a proud member (and co-president) of H.A.C.K.S., I salute Jilanne. And as a major cat lover, I salute her son. And I still salute you, despite your massive dislike of cats. You have other fine qualities. And Lucy is SOOOOOOOOO cute!!

    You could seriously make a book of those stamps, you know. Or a book of stickers or something.

  2. Thank you, Mike, for such a funny (and cute!) stamp! It really captures the “essence of cat.” :o) My son loves it! In fact, he’s been inspired to make YOU a stamp. He’s working on it right now. Maybe we’ll even send you a copy of the first comic book he made to persuade our relatives to buy school raffle tickets. When they bought a book of 5 tix, they received a copy of the comic book. Those who bought two or more books of tix will also receive a second installment that my son is still drawing. Thanks again for your generosity!

    • I am so very glad the Hoffmann house approves!

      And I eagerly look forward to seeing your son’s artwork!

      And if those raffle tickets are still for sale, put me down for a couple.

      (BTW: Is your fine boy familiar with the Adventures of Captain Underpants? The heroes of that hilarious book series also draw comic books.)

      • No obligation to buy raffle tix, but thank you for offering. :o) Your comic book and an additional surprise that he dreamed up will be in the mail shortly. Don’t worry, it won’t make a mess you when you open it. Oh, and I need your address. You’ve got my email.

        Yes! The young man is VERY familiar with Captain Underpants. The humor is right up his alley.

  3. Not much of a cat person myself, but I sure did get a good laugh at all your cool stamps. I could definitely see your stamps as a sticker book. And I know just a couple of boys who would be more than happy to have the ‘gross ones’.

  4. You are so talented! These stamps are great!! Maybe you could illustrate one of your own books one day?

    Oh, and I’m allergic to cats to, so I’m totally with you on the cat thing. Teehehee…

  5. Just because I like cats doesn’t mean I’m blind to their faults—and that stamp is perfect (see how i restrained myself from the obvious pun?).

    Do a squirrel stamp. You know you want to!

  6. I can understand your disdain for felines, especially with the allergy issue. I have cats, myself. Two of them. I like all animals–dogs, cats, ferrets, rats–but the thing I appreciate most about cats is that they are self sufficient.

    The thing I like least? Attitude. Tons and tons of attitude.

    Love the stamp. Nice work.

  7. Sorry I cannot celebrate cats in any form. I’m allergic. A cat snug in someone else’s house is fine. But to all you people who let your cats roam free — I WILL protect the fish in my pond. And my 60 pound poodle just loves a fresh kill– so think twice before allowing your cat to spend the whole day outside doing whatever it pleases — and for those of you who are responsible cat owners and keep kitty in the house or in your own yard — I salute you. That is a cat that I can like.

    • I had no choice about celebrating cats. I am a man of my word, after all.

      Watch out with that killin’ cats talk, my friend. In one post I joked about throwing a rock at a feral cat and I caught all kinds of online grief for it.

      Consider that my public service announcement for the day:

      • Ha! That’s why I noted responsible cat owners have likable cats. If they are not trespassing or trying to eat one of my pets all is good. Same went for that snake that slithered into my yard…. Sorry, but that frog in my pond is a member of my family and I’m not going to stand by and let you eat it. We haven’t really had a cat problem In a while. The family who owned them must have moved away. Either that or it’s the bigger dog I got a year ago 🙂 there does seem to be a plethora of catness on the Internet, doesn’t there?

  8. How very clever you are! I love all the stamp ideas and that they begin with the word “celebrate.” Great way to raise a child, and a super way to teach the world a thing or two. As for cats? I have a suicidal cat that hasn’t yet managed to knock herself off. Perhaps she knows a rat is waiting to usurp her crown after she’s gone.

    • A suicidal cat? That demands some more explantation.

      If it helps, you can tell your cat that Lucy has no interest in wearing any crown. She does, however, have an interest in eating bacon.That’s pretty much where her ambitions end.

    • Thanks, Todd! As you well know, I love your blog, too!

      I can’t accept ther Leibster, though. Leibsters are for bloggers with fewer than 200 followers. My recent Freshly Pressed put me over the top.

      I do very much appreciate the thought, though!

  9. I love your ‘Celebrate’ stamps. They are all wonderful and I fourth-eth the idea that they should be made into a sticker book or something equally as cool. 🙂

    You rat Lucy is lovely and reminds me of the hooded rats we had shortly after we were married. Rodents can make lovely pets. When our kids were little we had a guinea pig, many mice and a few hamsters. They are really smarted than people give them credit for. When my daughter decided she wanted a cat, I told her she’d have to wait until after her hamster went to Hamster Heaven because it wouldn’t be fair to it to have a predator in the house. Well, the hamster must have overheard that conversation and stayed alive long past the normal lifespan of such a creature. In hamster years, it must have been 150! lol

    So sorry you are allergic to cats. I think you and ours might get along just fine, if you didn’t sneeze your head off first! He’s de-clawed and friendly, except to certain neighbor kids. You see, he’s a very protective guard cat and makes sure to let the whole house know when kids run through our yard! To satisfy Jennifer, he is an indoor cat and only goes out when he can be well-supervised. I used to hate it when the neighbor’s cats would poop in my flower garden and vowed my cat would never do that! Except for spewing up the occasional hair ball, he’s been a pretty good kitty these past 13 years. 🙂

    • Oh, Susan, your antipathy toward goats is completely forgiven! 😉

      I, too, had a guinea pig named Pigamajig. She died five years ago and I still miss her. And, for much of my childhood, I took care of gerbils –which I suspect are the bounciest, happiest animals in the world. My son is eager to get a gerbil of his own, and I look forward to getting him one once he gets a bit older.

      I have been known to be fond of a few cats in my day. My cousin had one that I found quite friendly and charming. Unfortunately the cat also gave me bronchitis.

      But regardless of a cat’s personality, any indoor cat is fine by me. What drives me nuts are the cats that are allowed to roam free. I didn’t ask for a cat and I don’t want one pooping in my yard and preying on my chipmunks and squirrels. I suppose my irritation should be directed at the cat owners who do this rather than the cats, but I have yet to catch a cat owner pooping in my yard.

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  15. Wow. No more cat hate. I love cats and have had many in my life, even two who were legitimate disability cats. They helped me more than I can say. But, I understand the allergic avoidance. Anything that consistently made me sneeze and blow boogers would not be liked. So I do understand. As for cats that roam free, stupid owners, if for no other reason than outdoor cats live an average of two years while indoor kitties live an average of 16 years. So anyone allowing Snookums to roam free is basically killing their cat. Harsh, yeah, but true. My cat enjoys the outdoors from the end of a leash. Everything is safe that way, including the cat.

    That was off topic, but as an animal advocate, well . . . I love the drawing you made and the cat tearing down the celebrate sign is cute. The stamps are great and I totally agree you should think about a book. Kids would love them, as I am betting your son does. What a treasure you are giving him.

    • Since this is an old post, and probably no one else will ever visit this page, I’m gonna let you in on a little secret: Yes, I am allergic, Yes, I am a tireless rodent advocate. And, yes, I am constantly annoyed by feral cats and their irresponsible former owners. But I don’t dislike cats. I’m just having fun with the many, many cat people who follow my blog. Shh!

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